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We climb out of the car. This is the foundation’s official fundraiser. It’s not a major event red carpet, but there’s press in attendance. I’m their highest profile board member and they’re counting on me to help them make this evening successful in terms of fundraising. I do the obligatory interviews. I stop to grant one more to a young woman who tells me she’s twelve years old and is a budding YouTube journalist.
We’re inside in less than half an hour and are seated right away. I scan the room twice before I see her. Her back is to me but the long fall of shimmery brown hair is swept over one shoulder and I’d recognize the constellation of freckles that span her shoulders anywhere.
I spent so many nights tracing them with my fingers, my tongue, my eyes.
For the first time, I notice a man next to her that’s not Duke. He’s an older Black man who looks like he knows her very well. His hand moves to wrap around her shoulders and he leans to whisper in her ear.
My heart sinks.
The intimacy between them is unmistakable. Jealousy grips me, knuckle white and red hot and for a second I can’t breathe.
“Oh my God, do you think she’s here?” Nadia whispers urgently next to me.
“We’ll find out soon enough, I guess.”
47
Beth
This Is Me
“Joe, I think I’ve made a mistake.” I grip his hand, and he squeezes mine back.
“The only mistake you’ve made is hiding for so long, angel. You’re going to be great.”
“It’s not that… I mean, no one’s going to see this little ceremony. It’s just I’ve never spoken to a large crowd. And I don’t know…what if they don’t understand?”
“They’ll understand. They understood enough to invite you. You’ve been racing your destiny for a long time. It’s time you stopped and let it catch you. This is your moment. I would have given anything to know I’d impacted someone’s life enough to change things for the better.”
His words hit me with a jolt of surprise. How remarkable it is that he can’t see how extraordinary he is.
My butterflies fall away and I smile at him, resolved again, just as I was the day the invitation came.
“You’re right. I’m going to do it. I was just scared,” I smile sheepishly.
“Well, thank God for that. The only people who don’t get scared about stuff like this are the psychopaths. So at least you know you’re not one of those,” he says with a twinkle in his eye.
I blow out a breath, squeeze his hands one last time, and then head backstage to get mic’d up.
I smile at the y
oung woman who’s been standing patiently waiting for me to get over my nerves.
The dark blue organza dress gown hugs my upper body and cascades down my body is waves of gold embroidered fabric that swirls around my ankles, leaving just the toes of the strappy high heeled gold sandals exposed.
It’s the most beautiful and the most daring thing I’ve ever worn. Instead of feeling self-conscious in the sleeveless dress with its plunging neckline, I feel beautiful.
I picked it because I loved it, but it’s nice to see heads turn as I walk through the tables. Just before I slip backstage, the hairs on the back of my neck stand up and I turn to scan the room.
“This way, Beth,” the young woman who’s escorting me says excitedly. I turn to follow her.
“It’s okay that I call you that, right? It’s just that…. None of us know your real name. But we’re all so happy you’re here. You have no idea how inspired we all are. Well, I mean, I’m sure you do, since you have all those new followers and you won the award and everything. I’m so happy to meet you. Your paintings are incredible, but the message behind them is revolutionary. Oh my God, I’m rambling. I should shut up.” Her pretty face is pinched with worry and she looks at me wide eyed and waits for me to speak.
It takes me a minute because the admiration that’s shining in her eyes is mind boggling. This whole thing has been. But her excitement is contagious and I smile at her.
“Yes, you can call me that and thank you for saying all of that. I’m so excited, and nervous, to be here.” I’m terrible at speaking off cuff so I wrote and memorized my speech for tonight to make sure I didn’t forget anything. I’m ready.
“Let’s get you backstage. They’re going to mic you up, and then you’ll hear the introduction and the award presentation and I’ll escort you onto the stage. You can make as long or as short of a speech as you want. We’re all here for you.”
