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I leave out the fact that forty minutes ago, instead of being home where I should have been, I had my head between the legs of a woman I have no business pursuing.
She sighs, wearily and looks up at me with tired eyes. “Mr. Phillips, unfortunately, I understand. Your nephew is in room 310-E, straight through the double doors. A social worker from Children’s Social Care is with your nephew and your brother.” She gives me a sympathetic smile before she turns back to her computer.
The next few hours are a nightmare I wish I could forget. There a million questions. Some I can’t answer properly. Sharon was watching Henry while I was out and Kyle was at a study group. He is just starting to crawl and he was on the floor in the living room and somehow managed to pick up a stray ten pence piece and swallowed it. Normally, this would just pass and come out in his poo, but his throat is so tiny and it became lodged. They had to remove by endoscopy. He’ll be fine, but the social worker questioned us all separately and cautioned us about proper supervision of a child.
Sharon is inconsolable. She was useless in the interview with the social worker, all she did was cry and mumble completely meaningless apologies. I am so angry with her I can barely look at her. I know it was an accident, but all I can wonder is how long she had her eyes off him.
“Simon” her watery plea pulls me out my reverie. We’ve been standing in Henry’s room waiting for the doctor to bring the discharge documents.
I just glance at her. I am exhausted, angry, and guilty. That emotional cocktail makes me feel like I am on hair trigger waiting to go off.
“Simon…I…” her voice wavers. I decide to spare her, and myself, the agony of this conversation.
“Sharon, it was an accident. I’m just glad Henry is okay and I’m able to take him home.” I try to keep the acid churning in my gut out of my voice, but I fail and she starts weeping again.
Kyle walks over and puts an arm on her shoulder and walks her out of the room.
“Sharon, let’s go and get some tea while we are waiting.” His voice is soothing and he gives me a withering glance over his shoulder as they exit.
Maybe I am being unfair to Sharon, but I feel like I’ve already let Henry down. No more leaving him with my neighbor so I can run off and have fun.
I’ve got to get my head out of my ass. I don’t have time to chase a woman. I feel a keen sense of disappointment and loss at the thought, but I push it aside. I made commitments to Henry when I took him on, and I won’t be like my mother and sister who put their desires and wants ahead of the children they chose to bring into this world.
Henry needs me. I need to focus on what is important. Henry, Kyle, my job, those are my priorities. Quick fucks are not.
A voice inside my head screams Addie would have been much more than a fuck. I silence it. I can’t afford to get distracted. Henry can’t afford for me to get distracted. It will be work and family.
I know I’m lucky to be leaving the hospital with Henry sleeping soundly in the backseat of the Uber I ordered. Kyle and I don’t say much as we ride home. We are both lost in our own thoughts and feelings of guilt.
When we arrive home and get Henry situated in his crib, I pull out my phone and text Addie. I know I’m a coward for not calling, but if I hear her voice, I don’t think I could say what needs to be said.
Simon: Hi. I’m sorry I ran out on you like that today. It couldn’t be helped. Listen, I’ve had all day to think. I think it’s for the best we were interrupted. I’ve got a lot going on and just don’t have time for much else right now. It was nice to meet you, Addie. Wish timing would have been different. Stay well. Simon.
And then, because on top of being a coward I am also a jerk, I block her number. This will serve two purposes: I can spare myself from her deservedly harsh response and to prevent myself from having a moment of weakness and messaging her to beg for forgiveness.
I turn my phone off. Turn my computer on and get my mind focused on the mountain of work I have waiting for me.
I’ll get over this woman. I have no choice.
August 31, 2014
After Simon left, I spent the rest of my afternoon working and waiting for my phone to ring. I was a ball of nerves and anxiety. I was also basking in the afterglow of hands down the best oral orgasm I’ve ever had. Orgasms do not always come easy for me, no pun intended.
I haven’t always felt comfortable telling men what I want. I didn’t have to tell Simon anything. He played my body like an instrument he built. My lips still sting from our kisses.
I feel like I only got a taste of Simon’s magic and I hope we get to finish what we started soon. My feelings of satisfaction are tempered by my worry over his nephew and the look of panic in his eyes when I said I was coming with him. He obviously really didn’t want me there and part of me understands, but I can’t deny that it stung a little.
Either way, the interlude had been just what I needed to get my mind off my impending call with the FBI. I hate talking about my father. I don’t know anything about where he might be or what he might be doing. Just thinking about him agitates to me enough to pour myself a shot of Patron to ease my jitters while I wait for her call.
When Agent Walker calls, exactly three hours after we last spoke, I am ready to speak with her.
“Miss Dennis, thanks for being available as agreed. I know you’ve got a busy schedule and that it’s a Sunday.”
I sigh. “You didn’t give me much of a choice Agent. I just want to get this conversation over with.”
“I’ll get straight to the point. We’ve gotten a very reliable tip as to your father’s whereabouts. We even have what we believe are images of him from a CCTV camera in a parking lot.”
My breath catches. I am shocked. They have seen him? I can’t help but wonder what he looks like now. Has his handsome face aged? Has his dark red hair – just like Milly’s—greyed? Oh Daddy…
