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“Right. Those are all of our financials for the last two years. We’re a young company, but we’ve completed a lot of projects. Nothing as large and financially complex as this, though. We want to be aware of what our weaknesses and potential liabilities are before anyone else does.”
“I understand. Jack and I spent most of yesterday talking about your goals and our strategy. Those files will need to be digitized though, just for ease of review.”
We continue this conversation, and I find my earlier discomfort with him easing. His flirtation doesn’t show up again; it’s nice to be treated as colleague and I find myself really getting excited about this project.
We are talking about the most practical way to get the files from paper to digital files when I feel it. I know he’s there before he says a word. When I look up, I find Simon standing in the door way. His jaw is clenched, his eyes are locked on me, and they look almost angry. What the hell?
Simon’s eyes still don’t leave my face and I, for the life of me, can’t look away from him either.
Matthew, completely oblivious to Simon’s ire, doesn’t even bother straightening up. “Well, look who decided to come to work.” He says this with a laugh in his voice, eyes still on my computer, body still leaned over my shoulder as he looked at the data we had just been discussing.
Simon finally drops my eyes and looks at Matthew. He clips out, “I’ve been calling you.”
At Simon’s response, Matthew looks up and reaches into his pocket. “Huh, reception must be bad in here. I got nothing. Anyway, I think I’ve got enough to get Addie started. Let’s go and get busy.”
He stands up and starts to walk out. He is almost to the door and to Simon when he turns around to say, “Addie, let me take you out to lunch as a welcome. There is a great Thai place right next door. You’ll love it.” Without waiting for me to respond he keeps walking, claps Simon on the arm and walks out.
Simon walks out with him. He doesn’t say a word to me. Not even good morning. What in the world is he angry at me for? I cannot, for the life of me, understand this man. I just hope he keeps his distance from me. And I hope I can keep mine from him.
September 12, 2014
I can’t fucking concentrate. Having Addie down the hall from me is not going to work. I feel her active disregard like a brand. She smiles at everyone when she enters a room. When her gaze hits mine, her expression always cools. Her responses to any questions I ask are straightforward, civil, and brief. It’s fine. I tell myself, this is what I need.
I tell myself this because it’s true. I don’t have room for her in my life. I have work, and I have Henry. I can’t handle more because more means that in the moments they need me, I won’t be there. Just like my mother, just like that night.
But, fuck me! Why does Addie have to be so perfect? Why does she have to be so beautiful and smart? When I see her smile at someone, I wish like hell it was directed at me. Seeing her every day is like being in a desert near an oasis, but having legs not strong enough to carry me forward to drink from it.
And to make matters worse, Matthew is making his intent clear. He wants her. Not that I blame him, and he is the kind of man who she w
ould probably go for. I can tell she comes from money. She went to Harvard, and probably not on a scholarship. He’s an Oxford man, read law at Kings College, and came to us from the best Chambers in Grey’s Inn. I know that women like him, and that he likes them. He doesn’t have a parent in jail and one he’s never even known, and he doesn’t have an infant he’s raising. I mean, I know I should wish her well if it is what she wants. But, I can’t.
I grit my teeth as I see him saunter past my office in the direction of her office, fucking whistling to himself.
My phone rings as I sit there helpless to do anything but clench my jaw in frustration.
I look at the caller ID and see it’s Kyle.
“Hey, Kyle. How’s it going, little brother?” I greet him warmly.
“Si, man. I’m good. Just getting ready to catch the train. I’m heading up to Birmingham for the weekend to do some research. Just wanted to say bye and make sure you and little Sir Shits-a-Lot are going to be fine without me.”
Kyle calls Henry all sorts of names, but Sir Shits-a-Lot is one of his favorites and it’s probably the most apt. The little guy is just starting to eat solids and he goes through diapers like he thinks we own stock in the factories that make them.
“‘Kay. Have a good trip. Don’t fall into any pussy unprotected Kyle, please. One baby is enough. Do you need any money? Does your phone have enough credit?” I ask.
“Yes, mummy, I’m fine,” Kyle responds in a voice I suppose is meant to sound like a little boy’s.
I laugh. I know I tend to fuss, but I take my responsibilities seriously. I wish I’d had someone to do this for me when I was in university. I don’t want him to worry the way I did and I don’t want him to have to ask me first if he needs something. I just want him to focus on studying and staying out of trouble.
“Yeah, yeah. All right. Well, call if you need anything and call when you get there. See you on Sunday.”
“Yup, see you Sunday,” he says. “And Simon,” he calls just as I start to pull the phone away from my ear. “Thanks, bro.” Then he hangs up.
I smile as I hang up and immediately call Mercy to check on Henry. Our conversation is brief, but Henry’s got a slight fever she has just given him something for. He just started going to this new baby gymnastics class twice a week and is bound to pick things up from his classmates. She reassures me he’s fine, playing, and I can hear him making happy noises in the background.
We disconnect and I get back to work. Thoughts of what Addie and Matthew are doing are pushed to the back of my mind as I try to focus on work.
September 15, 2014
