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He looks startled. “Maybe you know and don’t care. But I’m an immigrant, too. My mother is African. My father is Middle Eastern. You are insulting me as you insult him.”
“Hey, hey, I had no idea. You don’t look like… You don’t sound like… You went to Harvard,” he splutters, his face so red it would be funny if he wasn’t such a disgusting person.
“I’d like to pretend you didn’t say any of this. I’d like to pretend I didn’t hear the last five minutes of what came out of your mouth.” I continue trying to keep my voice steady, not showing just how enraged I am.
“I don’t know why you think Simon stepping up to raise his nephew is a weakness, or why the mistakes of his parents have something to do with his nationality or his heritage, but that man has more decency in his fingernail than you do in your entire body.”
I point to the door.
“I really need you to leave my office. Now. And I need you to not come back unless we’ve got work to discuss.”
Matthew’s face transforms from the handsome, jovial boy next door visage he’s worn since I’ve known him, to a dark, angry sneer.
“Oh, I see. You fucked him?” he flings at me. I can’t even try to hide my shock at his language and his tone. “Is that why he always looks so pissed off when he sees us together?”
He leans toward me across my desk. I lean away from him. He inspects me, like he’s looking at something foreign and disgusting under a microscope.
“You know, now that I know you’re half black I can totally see it. Are you fucking Jack, too? Is that how you got this job?”
“Get out, Matthew. Now.” I say with a strength I don’t feel. I am grateful for the desk sitting between so he can’t see my knees shacking.
“I’m leaving.” That sickening sneer is back on his face. “It doesn’t smell as fresh in here anymore.” He starts to walk away, but just as he reaches my door, he turns back to face me.
“Word of advice, Addie. And this one will be free. You should keep your family background to yourself. It won’t do you any good in The City. They believe blood always tells. Simon’s making them money, so they are cutting him some slack, but the minute that ends, he’ll be out on his ass. Remember what’s important. Choose your friends carefully. ”
He strolls out of my office and pulls the door closed behind him. The quiet click of the door is as ominous as a slam. I can’t believe how this conversation devolved.
I sink down into my chair and put my face into my hands. I knew people looked at me and didn’t see anything other than a slightly tanned woman. I knew bigotry like what has just spewed out of Matthew’s mouth existed, in spades. I’ve just never had it directed at me.
“Shit,” I bite out. I need to clear my head. Failure here is not an option. I decide go upstairs, grab a cup of coffee, and try to think about what my next steps should be.
September 25, 2014
When it rains it pours. Mercy was late this morning. There were delays on the Jubilee line, and so I was late to work. I tried to call Matthew so we could try to start our meeting while I was en route to work, but it kept ringing with no response. Then when I got the office, they tell me he’s in the new girl’s office.
And what did I find? Matthew hunched over Addie’s desk, fucking sniffing her hair, pretending to be reading something from her computer. I had to suffer the indignity of feeling the like the intruder in the situation.
Matthew looked like he’s won something, Addie looked like she’d rather have a chainsaw wielding psycho walk through the door than me.
I wanted to walk over to Matthew and punch that stupid smirk off his face, kiss her, and let him know she is mine. That a few days ago, she was spread out on my kitchen table. That I know what her pussy tastes like. That I know what she sounds like when she comes. I feel like I am going crazy.
I’ve dated casually. I’ve never lied to anyone about the nature of what I want. It’s never been more than sex because honestly, I’ve had no room in my life for more. And in all of my twenty-eight years I’ve never wanted more than that.
But there is something about this woman. I feel her. I see her. There is something between us.
Yes, I am attracted to her physically. She is ridiculously beautiful. But when she looks at me, I see something of myself in her eyes, even though we couldn’t be more different.
My life is chaos. I come from criminals and drug addicts. I did not grow up with a silver spoon in mouth. I may have gone to the best schools, but only because I worked my way there. I am not saying she is not smart, but you can see her innate class a mile off. I am raising a child. She is young and starting her career.
But no way in the fucking world am I going to sit here and let her date that lawyer who tries to fuck everything that walks. Especially not when she belongs to me.
My conversation with Kyle the other night was like removing a shackle I didn’t even know I was wearing. I’ve done a good job with my family. He’s mentally and physically healthy. Henry has a loving home and I am allowed to want more for myself. And that more is Addie.
I have fucked things up with her royally. I need to figure out how to get back in her good graces. I’ve got my work cut out for me, especially if douche bags like Matthew fucking Roddam do it for her.
She’s smarter than that, right? God, I hope so. I sigh and get up to head to our office’s cafeteria to top up my coffee.
I see her almost as soon as I walk in and my first thought is to leave. No, fuck that. This is a golden opportunity, and I’m going to take it. She is seated with her back to me, nursing a mug, of what, I am not sure.
