AllFreeNovel
Share Us
le day.
At first, it was just that he had to work later. Then his work required nights spent in the office. Then weekends, too. Soon, I was virtually a single parent, and I only saw my husband in passing.
I sit here in our bedroom on the very bed where we made our son, paralyzed by my panic. He’s calmly packing his things so he can go be with the woman he just told me “doesn’t make me feel like I owe her anything.”
I suspected that he was having affairs. After we came back from a visit to my sister, Addie, I started paying attention. And when I finally had proof, I confronted him. He denied it. Said it was crazy, and that I was crazy.
But tonight, he’s singing a different tune. He came to me and confessed. I thought the confession was a prelude to an expression of contrition, to plead for forgiveness. It turns out it was just the beginning of his goodbye.
“Kevin, look at me. Think about what you’re doing,” I say to him. I'm unable to muster the energy to raise my voice.
He stops packing and glances over his shoulder at me. His eyes, that used to smile at me, are looking me up and down with scorn.
“Milly, it’s dead. Has been for a long time.” His voice is so unequivocal. He’s looking at me like I'm the one who is spitting on us, like this is my fault.
“Kevin, it’s not dead. We have a family, we have Anthony, and we’ve built a life.”
As I say this, my heart knows it’s not true. But this was not supposed to happen. It can’t happen. This was everything I’d worked so hard to avoid.
I'm trying to remain calm. There has to be a resolution that doesn’t include him leaving me to go live with someone else.
“This life is a life you’ve built, Milly. I don’t want to live like . . . this.” He says the last word at me as his arm sweeps across our beautifully decorated bedroom, his eyes full of disdain as they follow the arc of his arm.
“Sex is boring, we don’t talk about anything but my job and Anthony. You’re totally consumed with us, you have nothing of your own, and I feel smothered.” He looks me up and down, his eyes narrowed, and then he shrugs.
“Your body is still nice, but I can’t get it up for you anymore. Haven’t you noticed?”
Every word a tiny prick, puncture, making holes in the integrity of my composure until I feel it start to falter.
Sex is boring?
Nothing of my own?
Can’t get it up for you anymore.
Haven’t you noticed?
These words ping around my skull like a metal ball in an arcade game, hitting all of my most sensitive places.
I flush, hot and hard. It’s true we haven’t had sex in a while, but honestly, I don’t mind. Sex had never been my favorite part of our relationship. I’d never had an orgasm with him inside me, and he didn’t like oral—giving or receiving—so it was usually over once he was done.
“Kevin, when we got married, this—” I sweep my arms out mimicking his earlier movement, “is what you wanted. Me at home while you went to work. I keep this house pristine, your son is happy, smart, and loving.”
“I noticed you skipped the sex part,” he says mockingly without turning around.
I glance down at my hands, folded in my lap and watch as the tears I didn’t even realize were falling land and run down my hands.
It’s Friday night and Anthony is out with my mother. Kevin waited for him to be gone so he could drop this nuclear bomb and then leave like the complete coward he is.
He grabs the last of his underwear from the drawer and the slam of it makes me look up again.
He continues talking without looking at me.
“You have that trust fund you haven’t touched in years, you can have the house, your car, and I’ll pay Ant’s tuition. But this is it, Milly.”
He says these things, these words that are like pieces of shrapnel tearing through the fabric of my life, like he's telling me that maybe I need a new car.
“Kevin.” My self-control disappears, my panic completely takes over, and I stand up and walk toward him.
