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“So, where does he live, Kevin, I mean? He lives alone?” he asks.
“No,” I respond, my voice sounding small and weak to my own ears. “He met someone else.”
I’m unable to look up. I feel humiliated for some reason, saying this to Dean who is beautiful and successful
and charming. I’m advertising my failure, and I can’t imagine how I must look in his eyes. So, I'm totally unprepared for his bark of laughter. My humiliation turns to hot anger.
“How dare you? How is this funny?” I sputter. For the first time, I look around, trying to figure out where we are. I want to get out of the car. We’re on Sixteenth street nearing Dupont circle; I see we are approaching a red light and reach down to the floorboard to pick up my purse.
“Hey, hey, no. It’s not funny. I thought you were joking,” he says, and I immediately sober.
He pulls over on a corner and turns to face me. I look away, but he grabs my chin and pulls my face back to his. His eyes look like they are lit with a light from within as he looks directly into my eyes and starts to talk.
“I’m sorry, Red. I just thought . . . I mean, how could there be anyone else? He had you. And your fucking gorgeous body and that beautiful face. I’ve been inside you. I’ve sat and talked to you. I’ve seen the way you light up when you talk about your son. I know you take care of your mother without batting an eye. I can’t imagine how there could be anyone else after I’ve had someone like you. I didn’t even know ‘someone’ like you existed.”
I’ve stopped breathing as he’s talking. No man has ever said these things to me before.
“I feel something when I’m with you I’ve never felt before, Red. I’m not a young, romantic fool. So, I’m not going to do or say anything crazy, but I'm making the most of this second chance. I want to spend as much time with you as possible. I don’t want you to misunderstand anything about what I’m saying.
I'm confused and it must show.
“I don’t live here. I have never had any plans to do so. My life was in New York. I was engaged until about six months ago. I only came down to see you, get the resolution I thought I needed, oversee this office opening and then go back.”
I flinch and he notices.
“I’m sorry, I'm just being honest because I want us to be really clear about what we are doing. I’ve waited a long time for you, and I’m not going to let you go. And when the time is right, I’m going to take that ring off your neck and put it on your finger, make you promises I will die to keep. And I’m going to ask you to make me promises, too.”
I look around the car, reeling slightly from what he has just told me. I am a combination of excited and scared and all I can say is, “Right now? In the car? Aren’t we going somewhere?”
He laughs at me then and says, “Yeah, Red. I'm taking you to paint. We can talk there and over dinner and then back at my place.”
“Paint?” I feel like our conversation is going from strange to completely bizarre.
“Yes, paint. You know, like ceramics. I go to this place whenever I'm in town, All Fired Up, and paint a mug or a bowl, or whatever. It’s really therapeutic. I thought you’d like it.” He looks at me, his eyes earnest, and I find myself completely astounded by this man.
“Uh. Yes, sure. I’d like to do that,” I say slowly.
He claps his hands together excitedly.
He pulls back into traffic. “I know I got a little intense there, but I just needed to let you know how I'm feeling, Red.”
I want to say so many things and yet I have no clue what to say.
So, I just say the first, honest thing that comes to mind. “I feel the same way.”
He reaches across the center console and grabs my hand. His hand is big and warm. And even though his job involves him sitting behind a desk, his palms are very calloused.
“He’s the only man I’d ever been with besides you.” I feel the start in his body through his hand, and I look at him. “He was my college boyfriend and we got married as soon as I graduated.”
I swallow before I continue. “Besides Anthony, I don’t really have any accomplishments to show. I'm not sure what you think is so special about me.”
I look down at our joined hands. I hate that I sound so negative about myself, but I feel like I'm just being honest.
“Lucky for you, you’ve found a man whose talent is spotting what’s special. You’ve already found your something special, but I’m going to let you come to the realization yourself. Just know, I don’t have the time or the inclination to blow smoke up anyone’s ass.”
He grins at me as he pulls into a parking spot on a side street off Connecticut Avenue. I recognize this neighborhood, close to the National Zoo, where I have brought Anthony a few times.
I roll my eyes and as soon as he cuts the ignition, I hop out of my side. He walks around, takes my hand in his and we walk down the street to All Fired Up.
