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“Can’t you go any faster?” I hiss at Dean, one hand covering the speaker on my phone. We are in his car, speeding up Sixteenth Street toward Silver Spring. When I don’t get a response, I glance up at Dean and find him staring straight ahead. I can see his jaw flex in annoyance. I'm about to reiterate my question when my mother’s unusually panicked voice pulls me back to our conversation.
“Milly, he won’t leave. Anthony’s gone up to his room, but he’s just sitting here, saying he needs to speak with you.”
She's whispering, obviously trying to keep Kevin from hearing our conversation. I feel a wave of guilt at the idea that she’s alone and uncomfortable with him.
I planned on being home two hours ago, but I’ve overslept. I woke to my phone ringing. My mother’s anxious voice had me out of bed and pulling on my clothes before I even checked to see if Dean was awake or still sleeping beside me.
He’s been awake, for hours apparently, and he had no idea I needed to be home so early.
He’s been quiet since we got into the car. He insisted taking me home would be faster than me trying to call a car. I didn’t feel like arguing that point because my sole focus was getting home and getting rid of Kevin.
Now though, as I’ve talked my mother down from her third call in the last twenty minutes, I second guess the wisdom of taking him home with me for Kevin to see.
It has been three months since our separation. But, I don’t think I want him meeting Dean now, or ever.
“Mom, we will be there in less than ten minutes. He can’t do anything to you, and I promise he will leave as soon as I get home.”
I pray I am not overstating my abilities and hang up before she can say anything else.
I lean back into the seat and close my eyes. I try to gather my thoughts and calm myself with the time I have left.
“Milly, are you going to tell me what’s going on? You act like you’ve been caught cheating on him. He’s at your house. So, what?” His voice is cold and clipped.
I open my eyes and look at him again. He’s sporting stubble and his hair is finger mussed. We only had time to brush our teeth and throw on clothes, but I think he looks like he could have stepped out of the pages of a Ralph Lauren commercial right now.
I avoid looking down at myself. I already know I don’t look like anybody’s commercial.
“I don’t feel like I’ve been caught doing anything. I would have liked to have been home when Anthony got there, but otherwise, the only thing that’s bothering me is that my mother is upset.”
I know I sound as clipped as he did. But I don’t care. I'm tired, annoyed, and not sure what he's getting at.
“Well, he better not say shit I find disrespectful or we are going to have a problem,” Dean clips out.
Oh, dear Lord. This is equal parts annoying and hot. But I know I don’t want to even know what Dean means by “a problem.”
I reach for his hand and he looks up at me. His eyes, so clear and full of anger, leaving me momentarily speechless.
“Milly, I’m your man. What do you expect me to do?” he asks when he sees my expression.
My chest constricts, I'm scared and delighted all at once.
“So, I'm going to let you know right now. If that motherfucker even looks at you the wrong way, we’re going to have a problem. He has no say, at all, in how you live your personal life. He has no say, at all, in anything that doesn’t have to do with your son.”
His hand grabs more firmly onto mine, and he looks back out of the window. The muscles in his jaw flex. I feel compelled to be the voice of reason.
“There is so much we have to talk about and decide . . .”
“Red, have you ever felt anything like what is between us?”
I shake my head. I haven’t. The knowing between us. The draw, the need, the comfort, the heat, I’ve only ever felt it with him. I start I start to tear up at these thoughts.
I make myself stop. I need to get ready to face Kevin.
I squeeze Dean’s hand and look out the window on my side of the car just as we turn onto my street.
I see Kevin’s Mercedes sedan parked in front of my townhouse and my stomach tightens and my heart rate picks up.
When we arrive at my house, I don’t wait for Dean to come to a complete stop, I jump down and march up to the front door. My mother opens it as I approach.
