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My mother stands farther back, watching but not joining in. This is symbolic of the role she has always played in my life. Our relationship is a strained one. I haven’t been able to look her squarely in the eye since I was old enough to really understand how wrong it was for my father to leave us and for her to act like nothing happened. I only glance at her before I look back at my sisters.
I reach my arms out to invite my sisters to join my embrace with my nephew. I know our reunion, like the ones I watched before, is drawing attention.
Our parents’ West African and Syrian heritage gives us unique features, which have always made us stand out. I have a riot of curls so black they glint with shades of blue, spilling over my shoulders and down my back. Milly’s curly mane is as long as mine but fires like copper in the light. Lilly’s is the color of dark chocolate she highlights with gold and wears blown straight into a collar length bob. While I’m short with curves I spend an hour each day running into submission, my sisters are both tall and reed thin. The only physical trait we share are our father’s eyes and our generous asses from our mother.
“You’re squishing me!” A muffled plea can be heard from Anthony who is in the middle of our group hug. We break apart, all of us with huge smiles on our faces and eyes wet with happy tears.
My mother comes forward and puts her arm around my shoulders to get my attention.
Her voice is hesitant when she speaks.
“Hello, Adelaide.”
“Mom, hi.”
Looking at her placid eyes, I feel as though I could fly into a rage or cry. It’s like she feels nothing and I want, just once, to see her angry, or sad, or something.
Instead, I lean forward and kiss her cheek. I turn back to see my sisters watching me like they have been holding their breath. I smirk at them and roll my eyes. I can handle a week with my mother without losing my cool.
We share a cab back to their hotel and we talk nonstop all the way. We haven’t been together in months. Lilly currently lives in Miami while Milly and her husband Kevin live in Silver Spring. He is noticeably absent. I see how sad Milly looks whenever she thinks no one is watching her. I decide to wait for a way to bring it up casually in our conversation so I don’t upset her any more.
Our chatter is punctuated with Anthony’s excited prattle as he explains his latest obsession, My Little Pony, to me.
When he pauses for a breath, Milly who is sitting across from us in the bench seat facing the rear of the cab says, “So, Ad, how does it feel? Being here. Not in school?”
“Surreal, I can’t believe I’ve been here for almost a year already.”
And I can’t. It feels like yesterday I applied to Harvard Law School.
My sisters have called me a professional student until this year. I went straight from college to law school and there were days where it felt like I would never graduate.
“Well, we are so proud of you. You’ve worked so hard. I’m just glad I could make it”
I see an opening and I snicker. “I can’t believe Kevin let you come all this way on your own. Where is that husband of yours anyway? I thought you were all coming, CB?”
We’ve always teased Milly and called her a child bride, which has been shortened to CB over the years.
I regret the quip right away. The light in her eyes fades almost instantly and her smile drops for a second, but she recovers it quickly and says “Wild horses couldn’t have kept me or Anthony away.”
I lean forward to touch her shoulder. Looking her straight in the eyes, I ask, “Where is Kevin?” I don’t try to soften my question or pretend it’s not totally bizarre he is not here.
She got married at twenty-one to her college sweetheart, and she and Kevin have always seemed like they made sense. They’ve been married for almost ten years. He has been part of our family for even longer than that. But since Anthony was born, Milly hasn’t seemed like herself, and I know she hasn’t been happy.
Milly looks away from my probing eyes, turning back to the face the front of the car. She is silent, and I realize Lilly’s gone quiet as well. Anthony is paying attention to our conversation, too. I don’t press, but know I will try to find time to talk to her later, when I can get her alone.
Lilly turns to Anthony. “Hey, kiddo, I thought you were going to show me how to play the My Little Pony game on the phone.”
He lights up, forgetting about the awkward adult conversation. “Yes! Mommy, can I have your phone?” His question is more of a demand and when Milly hands it to him, I see her catch Lilly’s eye and send her what looks like a silent “thank you.”
Even though we’re all extremely close, my sisters have always had this connection I’ve never felt part of. They seem to have forgiven our father after making some agreement I wasn’t privy to. They both have a relationship with my mot
her I don’t think I will ever share.
I force myself to tamp down the resentment rising in my chest and focus on the week of activities I have planned for us.
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