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She raises her head to look me. Her eyes burn with regret. I know they mirror my own.
“I needed someone to show me the way, because I was stuck in a bad place. I loved Julian so much. His death changed my life in so many ways.” She shivers slightly, but doesn’t look away.
“He committed suicide.”
All of the air leaves my lungs. I didn’t know.
“My mother tells everyone he died in a fight. We’re Catholic,” she says, knowing that I need no further explanation. “To me, the method wasn’t a factor. He was gone. And suddenly my whole world was destroyed. My family . . .” She chokes on a sob and I pull her to me. Keeping her at a distance is no longer an option. I can’t stand there and watch her in pain and not respond. She wraps her arms around my waist and holds on while she cries.
“My brother, Reece . . . my heart . . . it broke when he died,” she says in a near moan. She seems to be reliving it all again, right now. Her shoulders shake and I can feel the pain radiating from her. Like a living thing, it seeps from her into me. Her sobs quiet, but she stays burrowed in my chest.
“I’ll never get over him being gone, Reece. Never. I didn’t even know what it meant to miss someone until he was gone. My parents, it broke them. Broke my family. My dad . . .” She sniffles. “And when he left, my mother was so angry. She cursed him. She cursed my brother. And she stopped being my mother,” she mumbles quietly. I don’t know what to say to comfort her.
I have so many questions. Where is her mother now? How did someone who had such a hard beginning, turn her life into something so beautiful? How did she learn to live so freely, live so fully?
“Oh my God, I’m so sorry . . .” she says as she pulls her arms from around my waist and steps back, putting several feet of distance between us.
My arms scream for her to come back, but I try to give her space.
“Please, Lucía. Don’t apologize . . .” I say, my voice thick with emotion. This week has been hell, and for the first time since this nightmare unfolded, I can see a way forward for us.
“You had to have known I was in the office today, that I was in LA. I’ve missed you. Why didn’t you come and find me?” Relief like I’ve never known propels my hands up and I cup her cheeks, brushing the tears away as I look down into her beautiful face.
“I was coming to find you, Fifty-five. Tonight. I came home to shower and then head to your place. Work has been crazy this week. I’ve needed to be with my dad. But I haven’t stopped thinking about you. And I was coming to you. You beat me to it.” Her arms snake around my waist and she lays her head on my chest. Feeling her soft, sexy body pressed against me, giving me hope . . . it all feels so fucking good.
“Reece, I’ve been so confused.” She looks up at me, her eyes wary. “Maybe I still am.”
“That’s okay. I’m confused, too.” I lean down to brush my lips along her hair line, I get whiffs of the notes unique to her; vanilla, flowers, wine and smoke.
Her hands stroke my back and she whispers, “We might feel that for a while, but . . .”
“I’m not confused about two very important things, Luc,” I tell her, pushing her away from my body. I miss the heat right away. But, I need her at arm’s length so I can look into her eyes when I say this.
“Have you missed me this week? Or did you just want to talk to me to clear the air?” I ask her.
“I’ve missed you,”
I cup her face. “Do you trust me?”
“Yes. Completely,”
“Then, babe, we can be confused, upset, whatever. But what we can’t be, is apart.”
She nods, and I see her throat moving. She bites her lower lip, and my teeth feel jealous. I lean in, nip it and pull.
I lick the bruised flesh and press a kiss to her top lip. I start to kiss her again, and she pulls away.
“No, Reece . . .” She steps completely out my hold. She’s flushed and a few wisps of her hair are sticking to her neck. Her eyes wide and incredulous.
“I have questions. Don’t you have questions for me?” she asks, breathless but serious.
“Yeah, I do,” I respond shortly. “But they can wait until I’ve kissed you.” I reach for her. She steps out of my reach. Her eyes wide and serious.
“No. If we start kissing, we won’t stop. I really need to finish talking.” She crosses her arms, sets her chin and I resign myself to listening.
21
Lucía
