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“You know what—? What you really wanted tonight was exactly this. Don’t tell me that’s not true, because I know you. You wanted to come back to Reggie, you wanted to see if you could endure it again. And I bet your only regret is that you didn’t have an audience.” I listened to his words knowing he was right about it all.
And now, when I hoped Will would be warm and affectionate at the end of this remarkable trial, when I hoped he’d take me in his arms and hold me, when I hoped we could share a moment of intimacy to restore our broken relationship—when I hoped for all that, I was dealt the cruelest blow of all. Instead of affection and comfort and intimacy, Will was cold again. And that swept over me so fast, I found myself crying. This was just too much.
Without saying a word, Will let me collapse against the stool while he put himself together, and left the room. It was the rudest thing he’d ever done to me.
“You think you can go home,” Reggie asked. “Or do you want a room upstairs?” I hadn’t realized that he’d come into the den minutes after Will left; I felt so incredibly alone.
“No, I don’t want to stay,” I answered sharply.
“Then my limo is ready,” Reggie said.
He wasn’t much help, just a little encouragement, and his coldness a reminder of why I didn’t want to spend another minute in his house.
“Where’s Will?” I asked, as I struggled to rise.
“He’s left,” Reggie answered.
“Left! How could he?” I protested, though the suddenness of his announcement gave me enough strength to sit upright.
“I don’t know,” Reggie shrugged. “Something about setting things right, I think he said.”
Weariness instantly turned to anger.
“That ass!” I seethed. “I went through all of this for nothing, for absolutely nothing. You’re both crazy, completely loony, if you think I, or any other woman is going to stay around to be treated this way. I guess from you, I expect it. But I’m beginning to think you’ve turned Will into a carbon copy of your heartlessness, and that is really tragic.” I was too weary to be angry, but I was anyway.
“Get on home,” he said, nudging me from the stool.
“You can tell him for me, Reg. I don’t want him back. Not now, not anymore.”
“Go home, Alexandra, and get some rest,” he said calmly.
I gave him one long glance, trying to read something in his expression, but that was impossible. Making myself presentable again, I left his house, feeling the righteous anger in me bursting uncontrollably.
***
When Reggie’s limousine dropped me in front of the apartment building, I wasn’t sure I wanted to go inside. Everything about this night had gone awry, beginning with my misguided feelings about it. There was something symbolic about the punishment I’d just endured at both their hands, but I still wasn’t sure of it. The idea that I wanted it was likely right, but I didn’t want to think of it, certainly not now.
And certainly, I wasn’t sure of my still estranged lover anymore. Why had he left me? Why had he bothered to punish me if he only intended to leave me? All I had was questions, not an answer in my head.
When I gazed up to the second floor of the building, I hoped I’d see a light burning in my living room, a sure sign that Will was there. But there was just the small night-light in my bedroom, glowing faintly, the one light that was always on.
Walking up the stairs, my heart felt like lead, my feet as well, and my poor bruised and aching bottom felt so raw with energy, I wished someone, anyone would just throw me down and fuck me so I could get beyond the sexual aching that needed some relief.
Reaching the second floor, I set my sights on the bed. If nothing else, I could take my pleasure in the same old way I’d so often used. However, almost at the second floor landing, I caught my high heel on a torn piece of the skid proof mat, and falling forward, I landed hard on the stairs, tears instantly streaming down my cheeks as I felt the sharp pain.
I sunk down against the step. I almost laughed, thinking it was as good a place as any to sit and wait out the night. This stupid step had once been good luck for me, maybe I’d be lucky again. Was there another Will, another Reggie, another chance for me to get things straight, or was I just fated to repeat over and over again the same old lesson until my dying day?
The thoughts passed through my mind, keeping me captive for at least ten minutes; and I was so lost in them, I hardly heard a door open or a man approach. But I did hear his voice, loud and clear, when it finally pulled me from my reverie.
“Is one of the benefits of living in this building, that I find you crying your eyes out on the stairs?”
I jerked and looked up.
“Will?” I said, as if he was the very last person on earth that I expected. I smiled. After all, he was smiling at me.
“Were we that hard on you tonight?” he asked.
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