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“I’m sorry it has to end this way, so quickly, just when we were getting to know each other.”
“This is ending? I can’t believe that,” I said in disbelief. “It’s so abrupt.”
“I know.” She looked at me kindly. As if that would make it all right.
All the beauty that had been between us withered away in that instant. I felt betrayed and hurt, as if she’d used me then stabbed me in the heart.
“You knew you were going to leave? Why did you even bother?”
“Because we both wanted it.”
“At least you could have told me first.”
“And risk you backing out? You’re skittish enough, and I wanted too much.”
“Wanted me for an easy one-nighter.”
“Oh, come on. That’s not being fair. Besides it was perfect, wasn’t it?”
“It was perfect.” I felt my anger starting to
burn in me.
“Alex, hon. I think you’ve become too attached to me. You want more than I can give.”
“I thought you cared about me.”
“I do.”
“You call it caring to lead me on, get what you want then take it all away!” I bolted upright and grabbed for my clothes. All I wanted to do was leave.
“Alex, please, stop, you can’t leave like this.” She came up to the couch, laying a sure and steady hand on me, as if to flee would be the worst thing I could do. I pushed her hand away. “We both found the pleasure we were after. Sometimes that’s all a night can be, but it’s enough.”
It wasn’t enough for me.
“Don’t go wrapping this up in some sappy relationship,” she went on. “That’s not what tonight was about.”
“And what’s wrong with a relationship?”
“Nothing, nothing at all, except that I don’t have relationships. I have sex and pleasure. I love the people I’m with when I’m with them, and I take with me fond memories when I go. Besides, you don’t need me now, you need a man. You’ll have that special someone and hopefully thank me for helping you on your way.”
It was hard to argue with her logic. I did want a man. And if I were to have scoured my feelings at the time, I would have realized that she was just a substitute for my real desire.
She smiled so affectionately, that at least for the moment, it seemed to wash away some of the hurt.
“Here,” she said, as she handed me a Kleenex, “I’ll get us something to eat.”
She was on her feet before I could say another word, her smooth womanly body gliding about the kitchen pulling things from shelves to fill a platter. She brought back more wine, and an array of crackers, cheese and fruit. She bent down and affectionately kissed my lips. Her long, lingering kiss reminded me how much I loved being with her, and then again, how terrible it was that she was leaving.
“Alex, I know you may not want to hear this from me right now,” she said as we were finishing up the food, “but if you don’t mind…a bit of advice…”
I didn’t stop her.
“You have so much locked up inside you, so many desires, you need to explore them fully. Seek them out. Tonight’s just a beginning. Don’t try to find a husband or a steady lover too soon or you’ll never discover yourself. You’ll get bogged down by the other person. For God’s sake give yourself some time to get to know you.”
As angry as I’d been, I didn’t want to be angry now. I wanted whatever I could have of her, even if it was just a few wise words over a plate of crackers and cheese and a glass of wine. I tried to savor what I had of her and forget that it would be our last night together.
Chapter Five
