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“We’ll take the trail south,” he told me when he was just a few paces away.
My mind was spilling over with thoughts, my emotions were high, but Reggie remained tight-lipped as ever making no attempt to open a conversation. I realized that he had no intention of discussing the latest of my sexual ordeals. I followed him silently down a well worn trail, reaching the stables in just a few hundred yards, then we hiked up the hill to the house. The journey was considerably shorter than the long, naked trek I’d taken to the shack.
Chapter Eighteen
A week after my adventures at the shack, I sat in the living room after dinner with all the regulars, as well as Will and three or four others I hadn’t yet met. I think there were ten in all. I’d been waiting all week to talk with Reggie about Gus, the shack, the stablemen, anal sex and everything else that had been consuming my thoughts in the past few days. I wanted to discuss where he was headed next with my training – I’d even considered stepping away from such intense sexual exploits or ending my training altogether. I was terribly confused about the whole matter of what I wanted – other than my ongoing desire for him, which I was beginning to doubt would ever be fulfilled. Despite several attempts during the week to initiate that conversation, Reggie was always too busy with other matters to give me the time I needed. Thus I was left alone to stew over my conflicting desires. By the end of the week, I was on edge and out of sorts, but I kept my feelings to myself with no place to vent them.
For the evening’s revelry, he’d chosen my clothes as he usually did – provocative and alluring in a manner consistent with the other clothes I’d worn while in his house. That night he chose a snug-fitting blue skirt and a cream-colored bustier that tightly hugged my torso. The bustier was low-cut and designed to push my breasts together into a daring cleavage – a look that was now quite familiar to me. It was almost impossible to sit like a lady dressed in the skimpy clothes, and as usual, I was getting plenty of attention from several of Reggie’s new guests. This too, I’d grown accustomed to, though I was still not entirely comfortable being center stage at his evening soirees.
Though earlier I’d been speaking with Ann and Will, I was now alone by the fireplace waiting with some apprehension for whatever Reggie had planned for the rest of the evening. In the midst of his speaking with two unknown guests, he suddenly pulled away and addressed me in a voice too loud to indicate that this was to be a private conversation. “Alexandra!” The minute I heard my name I jerked around, feeling a shiver of fear traverse my spine, and a quickening in my sex.
“Yes, sir.”
“I recall a discussion a few weeks back when you suggested that how we express ourselves should be a function of our desires and choices alone, not made applicable to some higher law. Do you still believe that’s true?”
I was taken aback by the directness and complexity of his inquiry, having no idea that he would recall my comments almost verbatim. Still I answered truthfully, if not hesitantly. “Yes, yes I do.”
“Your goal in coming here was to find yourself, or to be more specific your sexual self. That correct?”
“Yes, sir.” I became increasingly nervous with his questioning. I could feel my inner body trembling, and was beginning to blush with an undue amount of attention aimed my way.
“And perhaps you recall my mentioning that there will be times when I may push and shove you in order to achieve your desired goal?”
“I do.”
“This is going to be one of those times that I start shoving. Be thankful for the warning.”
A rather pregnant pause followed, during which I noticed that my face was hot and my palms had begun to sweat. And he was just getting started!
“This is making you uncomfortable, isn’t it?”
“Very much, sir.”
“You understand that you have nothing to fear. Everyone here knows what I do and why you’re here – you have an entirely sympathetic audience, even if there are a few blatant voyeurs within their company. Makes you burn inside, doesn’t it?”
I nodded. A terrible ache grown in my sex and radiated outward.
“Speak up.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Uncomfortable being the center of attention?”
“Yes, sir.”
“But isn’t that exactly what your fantasies are made of…scenes of public depravity…graphic demonstrations of your darkest desires? Isn’t that you?”
“No, it’s not me!” I shook my head.
“No?” I knew I’d said the wrong thing, but there was no way to take it back. “Where’s the honesty behind that? Perhaps you’d like to tell my guests what you did with Gus and my stablemen last week?”
I was starting to cry. “Please, Reggie, don’t make me do this.” I gazed at Will and got nothing but his steely eyed stare.
“Don’t look at him. Will’s not going to help you through this, nor are your tears. You’re much better than that. It’s time to be honest with yourself, accept the truth you endlessly dicker about. It’s all over your journal, page after page of denials, excuses and then startling peeks at the honest truth – about what really happened for you in the woods, inside the cabin, over the tree stump, in the dirt with Gus.”
I shook my head and stared down to my lap unable to look at him anymore.
“You think I’m being cruel?” he asked.
