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I stood frozen, too bewildered to move.
“Alex,” Henry sounded like another Reggie. “I don’t know who you are, but Alex is with me tonight.”
“Get in the car,” Reggie said again, evenly. “You’ve got a hell of a lot to answer for.”
I looked from one to the other, then quickly retreated to the table and grabbed my purse. Dashing to the door, I cast a hasty but well-intentioned apology in Henry’s direction.
“What the fuck,” was his astonished reply, and the last thing I heard as I walked out.
Once on the street, I stopped to catch my breath, leaning back against the brick façade, letting the clear night air cool my emotions and the raging burning in my sex. I couldn’t guess Reggie’s motives, so I waited passively for him, sure that he would enlighten me when he finally came through the door.
He was laughing as he emerged, grabbing me by the hand. “C’mon, let’s go.” He opened the door of the Porsche to let me inside, then climbed in himself, and we roared off, Reggie chuckling to himself.
“You were magnificent,” he finally said.
“What?”
“It was a damned cruel joke, but you won, and won well.”
“I won? What?”
“You beat your paper dragon.”
“Forgive me, Reggie, but I really don’t understand.” The car was dashing madly toward some unknown destination, so was our conversation. He set me up to attract a man, and then when I did, he slapped us down. Obviously, he wasn’t really angry, quite the opposite.
“Don’t you realize what you’ve done?” he asked, amazed. We pulled into the drive-in line of a fast food restaurant.
“I’m not sure.”
He laughed again, almost exasperated. He ran his hand though his blond hair and sighed. “You didn’t panic tonight. You hardly flinched. And you enjoyed every moment. You’re fast becoming exactly what you want to be.”
I took a deep breath trying to absorb his words. He seemed more friend than master, and that seemed strange. It wasn’t right. Our drama was crumbling around me and that was frightening.
Reggie ordered for us at the drive-up window and we took the burgers to a park. He’d thrown a coat over my skimpy clothes and we ate sitting side by side on a park bench, as easy as two teenagers out for a snack. It was odd to be with him in an atmosphere completely opposite from the elegant suppers we had been sharing for the past weeks. But as nice as the idea was, I couldn’t stop the feelings of anxiety that were crowding into me.
“Alex, you realize, you don’t need me anymore,” he finally spoke as he finished off his burger and threw the papers into the trash.
I’m sure he meant it as a positive, but his words were daggers going straight for my aching heart. We were really over? Over without the piece I most desired?
“But I want you.” I must have sounded as if I was begging – and I really didn’t care.
He quickly turned serious.
“And I want you, too, but it’s not a simple thing for me. There’s a darkness in me that burns to have you. You want to make love; I want to torture you, punish you, to fuck you as a beast before I ever make love to you. It’s either all or nothing, and frankly, I’m afraid to even start, afraid it might rip us both apart.”
I wasn’t really sure what he meant by all that, but I could feel my body react with desire and my pussy growing damp with the thought of everything he’d said.
“But isn’t that what you’ve been doing? Venting all that darkness.”
“I’ve not forced myself on you. I’ve forced you on others. I’ve given you what you wanted, I’ve helped you create what you’ve wanted to create. But how much have I taken for myself?”
He was right. Not once had he indicated in any way that he’d been sexually fulfilled by my submission to him. He didn’t use me himself. I could only guess that he took his pleasure privately. I’d begun to wonder if he ever fucked at all.
“I do want you, Alex. But you have to accept my terms. You’ll have me unrestrained and I’ll be there for me, not you. Giving yourself to pleasure me, you must give unconditionally and without hesitation. You will submit – I won’t have it any other way. Don’t go eagerly accepting my offer because in your fantasies you see some romantic finale for us. I don’t see that outcome at all. I’d think long and hard before you agree to anything.”
I knew that I’d moved beyond the awakening innocent that had arrived at his doorstep some weeks before. We were equals, and he was defining our roles and I had to choose. I knew what choice I’d make; there wasn’t any doubt in my mind despite his caution. Yet giving myself over to Reggie’s desires, to all the pieces of his complex manhood was the scariest scenario I’d face. He was right. I’d go beyond my own created fantasies and enter into the world of his fantasy. It was a different kind of ‘out of control’. I’d no longer be in charge. I had to remember how terribly angry I’d become when our sex games first began. The balking. The hesitation. The endless confusion. Would that happen again? I would think about it, of course I would, but I knew what I had to do, and I think Reggie did too. I couldn’t stop myself.
I stared into the empty space in front of me as if in a trance. “Reggie, I can’t turn back,” I finally managed to say. I spoke so softly I wasn’t sure I actually voiced my thoughts aloud until he answered me.
