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I cringed.
“Can’t take it?” He laughed.
“You’ve bruised me and abused me. Anymore tonight, and I’d think you really wanted me for something more than just a submissive to whale upon.”
“Oh, don’t ever think that,” he warned, turning serious.
I nodded. “This is good, we need to keep this relationship within the rules.” I was reminding myself there was no potential relationship here. I didn’t think I needed to remind him.
“At least I can take the liberties I want with you,” Reggie pointed out. “When you were entrenched with Will, I always thought it was disloyal to have you.”
“Really? But you had no problem arranging other exploits for me?”
“My screwing you wasn’t a problem for Will, it was a problem for me.”
“So, you have no moral dilemmas about that now?”
“Will doesn’t want you, remember?” The typical haughty twist wasn’t there, but the meaning was all the same. The reminder made me wince inside.
“You’re b
eing awfully kind,” I said after staring at him some minutes.
“See, I can be nice.” He actually smiled.
He rose from the bed and circled it, until he was at my side, looking down on me. “You’re really one hell of a mess.”
I snickered. He leaned in and put his hand to my face, and stroked it ever so gently.
“And so are you,” I replied.
He noticed his disarray and turned away. “It doesn’t suit me, does it?”
I watched as he found his scattered clothes, and with careful precision replaced each piece, so that except for his slightly rumpled shirt, he looked as perfect as he usually did. He combed his hair back into place with one swipe of his comb. He was proficient at everything, and always very thorough. I had to remind myself that he was quite an angry animal when he was fucking me.
I grabbed a robe from the closet and threw it over my shoulders, joining Reggie in the living room. He was dismantling the video camera with the same precision that he used to put it up.
“Would you stay the night if I asked you to?”
“No,” he replied.
So much for affection, I thought to myself. Back to the same old Alex and Reg. It was rather comforting knowing that I didn’t have to think about him being anything more than my constant tormentor. If I was searching for someone to replace Will’s once generous affections, I was reminded again that it wouldn’t be Reggie.
“Don’t forget the point of this, Alex.” He sat down on my sofa and put the equipment carefully back into the black overnight bag.
“You mean Will who doesn’t want me?”
“All’s never lost,” he reminded me. “You wouldn’t be doing this if it weren’t for him.”
“Sometimes I wonder,” I said. “It seems a little hopeless.”
“You want to stop?” he asked, as if ending this charade wouldn’t bother him one way or another.
“No,” I answered immediately, though I wondered if it was the right response.
“Alex, you have to do this for Will, because you can’t do it for you and me. I know you. As much as you love the punishment, the pain, the abuse, the humiliation, and what will become tremendous embarrassment…” He said that with a knowing and mysterious twinkle in his eye. “You still need what Will gives you. You still need to be loved. Don’t lose sight of that.”
“I’ll try. Just sometimes, it seems like it would be easier if I could just forget about all the love crap and go merrily along pleasing myself with sex and not worry about pleasing anyone but me.”
