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I miss all of it, and it’s been so weird to have it ripped from my life with no end to our separation in sight.
Whatever he’s mixed up in, I have no way of knowing how it’s going to change our lives. Maybe things will never go back to normal. Maybe all those rituals and jokes are gone forever. It makes me so sad to think about it, and it must show on my face because Levi’s hands tighten on me for a second.
He sighs and pulls one of his hands back from my hip to drag it through his hair. He looks conflicted for a second, like he’s debating with himself, but then sets his jaw. “I shouldn’t tell you this, I really shouldn’t. But… the thing with your dad is bigger than we knew at first.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, frowning.
“We thought that he had just fucked us over by backing out of throwing the fight, but it turns out it wasn’t just because of his own pride or whatever. That would have been bad enough, you know? Fucking over the Black Roses because you’re too proud to lose one fight. Turns out, he was paid off by the Jackals and that’s what made him double-cross us.”
I blink for a second, shocked. “What the fuck? He took bribes from both gangs? And then fucked over the Black Roses?”
Jesus, why would he do that?
He must have known it would be suicide. There’s no way he couldn’t have known that. And why didn’t he say anything to me about it?
None of it makes sense, and my head is spinning all over again, trying to come up with some reason that explains why he would put himself in danger like this. What could be worth that kind of risk?
“His match was actually a huge deal for us and the Jackals,” Levi explains. “There’s this church on the south side that’s been sort of neutral territory for a while now. One of our gangs was going to claim it, and we bet on the fight. Winner got the church. So because your dad won, the Jackals won big, and shit has been unstable between us ever since then.”
I know Levi is giving me information I’m not supposed to have, telling me things that could get him in trouble, but all it does is leave me with more questions than I had before.
Why Dad? Why that fight? Why would he choose to side with the Jackals, of all people?
Did they offer him more money? But what good does more money do if you’re too dead to spend it?
“I just don’t understand,” I mutter, shaking my head. “I didn’t know about any of this.”
“Yeah. I figured you didn’t.” Levi grimaces slightly. “You’re just here as collateral, not because we thought you were involved in any of it. Here’s the thing, though. Right now, your dad is trapped between two gangs, which is a dangerous as fuck place to be. I’ll see what I can do about keeping him safe and trying to get him out of this mess, but I’m not sure how that’ll go. I’ll do what I can to help though.”
His face is open and honest as he talks, and I feel warmth swelling inside me. For the first time since this mess started, I don’t feel like I’m trying to do this alone, and that’s a feeling I want to cling to.
As if he’s the physical embodiment of hope, I cling to Levi a bit too, leaning up to kiss him again. This time it has nothing to do with wanting to fuck or coasting on the lingering feelings of arousal.
I just kiss him because… I want to.
Levi leaves my room eventually, heading to his own room to shower and change.
I lie in bed alone for a little while longer, dozing on and off and thinking about all the things Levi told me. Eventually, I drag myself out of bed and into the shower to clean up. I want to wash last night off me, and standing naked under the hot water is a great reason to think about Levi’s hands on me instead of anything else, even if there is a lot weighing on my mind at the moment.
I dry off and throw on some shorts and a t-shirt before heading downstairs to find something to eat.
After the shower, I feel more like myself. The queasy feeling of being drunk and high is gone, and I’m clear-headed, for the most part. My stomach is still a knotted mess, of course, anxiety clawing at me whenever I stop moving long enough to let it set in. I checked my phone after the shower, just to make sure I hadn’t missed any calls or texts from Dad, but there was nothing.
I tried calling him, even though I wasn’t sure it was a good idea since I don’t know where he is or what he might be doing. But that worry hardly mattered anyway, because he didn’t pick up.
I hope with everything I have inside me that last night wasn’t the last time I’m going to hear from him, and whenever I think about that too hard, I kind of want to throw up.
My heart thuds dully in my chest. Instead of dwelling on those thoughts, I grab some veggies and meat from the fridge and start chopping them up, throwing together a quick stir fry.
As I cross back to the fridge to grab some ginger out of the crisper drawer, Rory walks in and comes to stand near me. He looks me up and down for a second and then searches my face like he’s looking for something in particular.
I just gaze back at him, waiting for him to say something. Finally, he smiles a little.
“Are you okay?” he asks, and for once, there’s no hint of teasing or flirting to be seen in his expression. It’s weird to see him so serious. I’ve only seen him look like this once before, when he was discussing his daughter, but I nod.
“Yeah, I’m okay. Sorry if I was a bit of a mess last night. I was… fucked up about some things. After a good night’s sleep and a shower, I feel like a new person.”
“Right.” He tugs his full bottom lip between his teeth, nodding a little.
