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All of us are exhausted, wrecked.
Is it really done? Is it really all over?
My head spins with questions and worries, but they’re all so far in the back of my head that they’re barely fully formed thoughts. All I can think about right now is Gray, and the fact that he’s going to be fine despite saving my life today by taking a bullet.
All I can think about is the fact that he could’ve died before I got to say I loved him.
But he didn’t. He didn’t die.
We’re all still alive, and Alan is dead.
We fucking won.
I’m somewhere between dreaming and awake in the late evening when I hear the door click. My eyelids flutter open as I lift my head. Nurses have been in and out every couple hours to check on Gray’s vitals and adjust h
is pain meds, but the door hinge creaks slowly, as if the person is hesitating.
My brows draw together as I realize it’s Maria. Mom. She peeks her head nervously around the door. When her gaze settles on mine, I blink, sitting up straighter.
Elias and Declan both tense next to me as my movement wakes them up, their grasps tightening protectively on my body.
“No, it’s okay,” I whisper.
Assuring them that I’ll be fine with Maria, I untangle myself from their arms and gesture for her to follow me out of the room. Whatever this conversation is, I don’t want to have it in the room where Gray is sleeping. I can’t guarantee that I won’t end up yelling.
Maria shifts nervously on her feet as we stand outside of the room, not meeting my gaze for a long moment. When she finally looks at me, her eyes are rimmed with red but her face is dry.
“I found out about Charles,” she says slowly, staring at me as if she can’t quite believe I’m real. As if the events of the day have only been a dream—or maybe a nightmare. “The cops came and questioned me. They told me he’s… he’s dead.”
I don’t know what she wants me to say. I consider saying I’m sorry, but I’m not sure it would be the truth, and I don’t want to lie to her for some reason.
I half expect my mother to curse me for my indifference, but instead, she just shakes her head. “It’s what he gets for dealing with the devil.” She wrings her hands together, her lips forming a tight line as her voice turns bitter. “I’m mourning him, of course. But more than his death, I’m mourning the man I thought I knew he was. The man I married, not the one who died today. Not the one who…”
She clears her throat, pushing away any emotions, and I begin to realize that a lot of the toughness I have comes from the petite woman standing in front of me.
“I always knew he was competitive in business,” she says, looking up and holding my gaze. “When I was younger, I was attracted to that. He always wanted to win, and he was ruthless when it came to making a profit. In the beginning, it was no wonder that he made his way to the top so quickly. He was just that good at what he did. But I never, never imagined he would put our own child on the line to achieve those goals, to save everything he had worked for.”
Again, I’m not really sure what to say. I didn’t know Charles, not like she knew him. I hardly know the woman standing in front of me, for that matter. I know what it’s like to be betrayed by someone you thought you loved, but this… this is different.
“I’m sorry,” Maria says, breaking the lapse of silence. Her voice grows a little stronger. “That’s why I wanted to come today. I’m sorry about your friend too, but I wanted to see you and tell you I’m sorry. I wish I’d tried harder to find you instead of accepting that you’d run away. Charles told me he was doing everything he could. He hired detectives—or, I thought he did. Now I don’t know anymore.” Tears well in her eyes. “I should never have stopped looking for you. I should never have accepted Charles’s word, never have given up hope. What sort of mother does that make me?”
I shrug. For some reason, I find that despite the fact that I wish more than anything she hadn’t given up on me, I don’t resent her for it. I don’t feel the rage I felt this morning when I found out that they—or rather, my father—gave me up to Alan Montgomery.
The woman standing in front of me didn’t betray me. She didn’t know what was going on, and even though she’s barely had a chance to be a mother to me, I know that wasn’t her fault.
But I’ve got other things to focus on right now, starting with Gray, Declan, and Elias. And Max. Those are the people who truly matter, the people who have been with me through everything.
“Well, I should probably go and leave you to your friends,” Maria says, breaking the awkward silence and shifting on her feet again. “I’ll ask one of the nurses to show me the way out.”
She turns to leave, but my heart does a little squeeze in my chest. She may not feel like my mother, but that doesn’t mean I want her completely out of my life.
You’ve just found her. Don’t let her walk away.
“Wait, Mom.”
I blurt the words in a low voice, stepping toward her. She turns around instantly, as if she was hoping I would stop her. I find my cheeks flushing, despite myself. I’m absolute shit at emotional stuff, at opening up and being vulnerable. I learned to do it with the Sinners as they gained my trust and my love, but it still isn’t easy for me to open up with strangers.
And that’s what this woman feels like right now. A stranger.
