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“Good, me too.” Leslie laughs. Then she cocks her head at me, frowning. “Is everything okay?”
“I, um…” I begin to say, hoping to explain. Leslie narrows her eyes as though assessing the situation, looking back behind me to where I’m sure the guys are still standing, then back to me, then at the guys again.
God, I hope I won’t have to explain this.
“We can walk together,” she offers, maybe sensing that something is wrong but changing the subject.
“That would be great,” I blurt, relief filling me.
As we walk along slowly, I try to breathe evenly and slow down the pounding in my chest. I can’t deny that part of it is from fear—I feel like I’ve seen a fucking ghost, and in a way, I have. The ghosts of my past are crawling all over this campus.
But I’m also pissed.
I’m furious that West, Reese, and Trent are here, that on my very first day of college, they’re already tormenting me again. Coming to Clearwater U is my chance to finally start over and make something of myself. Since I have a conditional acceptance to this school, I have to get passing grades and stay out of trouble. With those three guys around, that just became a hell of a lot harder—it’s almost like trouble will be following me wherever I go.
“So did you bring shit to decorate our dorm?” Leslie asks as we walk along. I’m not only comforted by her presence, I’m also kind of in awe of her. Leslie has quirky features, but the most beautiful brown hair I’ve ever seen. It shines like melted chocolate in the sunlight. She also has one blue eye and one green eye, which I’m convinced is the sign of a seriously interesting human. She carries herself as if she’s seen some things, as if she has an innate understanding of the ways of the world, and it makes me curious to get to know her better.
“Like what?” I ask.
She shrugs. “I dunno. Like posters or something.”
“Oh. Uh, nope, I didn’t buy any posters.” I wrinkle my nose, grateful to be talking about something mundane and chill.
“I thought you’d put up something smart, like a Van Gogh painting.”
“I’m not that smart, but I do like art.” I shrug.
“You seem smart. I dunno. I barely know you.”
“I go to bed pretty early.”
“Oh, cool,” Leslie says, although she doesn’t sound too enthused by that. “Well, maybe I’ll try that. I’ll have to do my partying during the week though, because my parents want me to come home a lot on the weekends.” She holds up a hand, turning to face me as we walk. “And I’m trying to stay away from guys. At least during the semester. Who knows how long that’ll last though!”
I go silent, thinking that this girl might be the perfect roommate for me. Hell yes to “no guys.” That’s a really smart plan. But considering that Reese, West, and Trent are pretty much on me like hawks, am I going to be able to live up to that goal?
“I… I’ll try to stay away from guys too,” I finally say, even as my stomach clenches.
If Leslie and I are going to be living together, how much should I tell her? If she finds out the truth, she might run from me like I have the plague. That’s what everyone in high school did when the guys turned on me, even though it wasn’t like I’d done anything wrong. Had I?
Ugh. There’s still so much uncertainty wrapped up in my relationship with my former best friends. There’s a truckload of unresolved feelings as well, emotions so intense I don’t really know how to deal with them all.
“College is gonna be awesome. I’ve got a good feeling about this.” Leslie waggles her eyebrows at me, looking mischievous and excited.
Casting a furtive look over my shoulder, I check to see if the guys are still there. To my great relief, they’re gone. I know they’re still on campus somewhere, but for the moment, I can breathe again.
“Yeah,” I mutter. “I’ve got a good feeling about it too.”
I’m feeling better now that they’re gone, but I gotta say, the joy that infused me as I rode my bike to Clearwater U this morning is gone. I can try to pretend the three of them aren’t here, but I’ll just be fooling myself. Trent, Reese, and West seriously wrecked my chances at success once before, and I’m not entirely confident they won’t try to do it again.
But there’s something in Leslie’s eyes that gives me hope. She seems like the type of girl who hasn’t had anything seriously bad happen to her, and if something has happened, she’s managed to be tough enough to let it roll off her back.
If that’s the kind of person she really is, then I need to take a page out of her playbook. Things get to me too easily, and I take them personally. That’s why what those three former friends of mine did cut me to the bone; I took their betrayal personally. If I’m going to survive this college experience, I have to take a new perspective on them.
I have to teach myself to feel nothing for them.
It won’t be easy though. Even now, I can still feel the effects of Trent in my body. My breathing is erratic, my knees are still weak, and I feel flushed. It’s annoying that someone can have such power over your body no matter what your rational mind thinks.
