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Olivia insisted on buying the drinks. Once we were settled next to each other in the wooden booth, drinks in front of us, I angled my body to face hers, our knees touching.
“So, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?” Olivia bit her lip, lowering her gaze, and I had to fight the sudden urge to kiss her.
Fuck it.
I leaned forward, capturing her lips with mine. She let out a surprised gasp, then sighed into my mouth, returning the kiss. I cupped the back of her neck, pulling her closer and angling my head to kiss her more deeply.
“We should do that more often,” she murmured when we finally broke apart.
I smirked at her. “I’m a good kisser, aren’t I?”
“Yes, you are,” she admitted, smiling at me. “I’m not too bad, either.” She gave me a cheeky wink.
This woman.
“You’re a bloody amazing kisser.” I leaned forward, intent on her mouth, but she stopped me by pressing a finger to my lips.
“Talk first. Then more kissing.”
Okay then.
“Right. I-I’m really fucking bad at this,” I began. My palms were sweaty, and I grabbed for my pint glass, taking a large gulp. “Okay. Here’s the thing.” I stared down at the table, reluctant to meet Olivia’s eyes. “I like you. I mean, I’m sure that’s obvious.”
I swigged more of my drink, willing the words to come to me.
Olivia cocked her head, watching me patiently.
“The thing is, Liv, I don’t want a relationship. I’m not looking for a girlfriend. It’s nothing to do with you; I can’t do relationships.”
Taking a deep breath, I raised my eyes to meet hers. “I want you. I want you so fucking much that I can’t think straight when I’m around you. I guess…I’m concerned I’ll mess up our friendship if we do anything. Losing you as a friend isn’t an option—not anymore.”
I finished my speech on a heavy exhale, hoping Olivia would understand.
She sat in silence for a moment, her expression thoughtful.
“Let me see if I understand what you’re telling me,” she finally said. “You want to be friends with benefits?”
Was that what I
wanted?
“Yes, that’s what I’m saying. Or just friends, if you don’t want that.”
My voice was firm, determined. If she only wanted to be friends with me, I’d take it, even though it would kill me to never know how it felt to hear her moan my name while I—fuck. I surreptitiously adjusted myself under the table before my dick decided to make itself even more obvious, and returned to the conversation with an effort. “Uh…what was I saying?” I rubbed my face, trying to collect my thoughts. “Liv, I can’t be in a relationship. I don’t even know how to. I’ve never even had a girlfriend. Not as an adult, at least.”
“Never?” Olivia sat back, dumbfounded.
“I prefer to keep it casual. I’m not risking ending up like my parents.” As always, thinking about them brought a surge of anger.
Olivia was quiet for a few seconds, her expression making me nervous. When she spoke, her voice was gentle. “What happened with your parents?”
“I need another drink for that story,” I muttered, staring at my hands.
“Don’t go anywhere.” She stood, dropping a soft kiss on my cheek, and headed over to the bar. Returning with two glasses, she slid back into the booth next to me.
Taking a deep breath, I downed half of my second pint of IPA, then placed the glass down. Playing with a beer mat between my fingers, I began to speak, lost in the memories.
“To cut a very long and convoluted story short, my parents…they had a toxic relationship. They used to fight all the time, and it ended with my mum walking out when I was fourteen. My dad…well, he didn’t have much interest in being a parent.” I let the words spill out of me, Olivia listening without judgement or interruption, curled up in the booth leaning against me. Ethan and Alex were the only other friends I’d ever spoken to about them.
