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“Well, what did you do? You taught them something.”
“I put on a little performance every day, showing them h
ow to throw a lasso, how to rope a calf. And then I’d lead them on trail rides. Teach them how to groom a horse. Sometimes we’d brand cattle.”
“See? You’ve already taught people!”
Jesus, she looked so happy. As if she really believed he was capable of this. She didn’t understand. She never had understood. At least his dad had named it for what it was.
“Charlie. It was a show. We helped people play at being cowhands for an hour or two a day. And then we’d go out and do the real work before coming back to serve them dinner around the campfire. I’m not a teacher. I’m not qualified and I never will be.”
“But you’re good with horses,” she pressed. She kept eating her dinner as if nothing important was happening. “And you’re good with people. It’d be perfect for you.”
Walker’s heart beat hard. He didn’t want to have to explain out loud that he was dumb, that no one would ever want him working with their children, that no one would ever even think about hiring him for such a thing.
Sure. Hire a dumb cowboy who could barely read to be a teacher. Perfect. He couldn’t even teach himself anything.
“I’m good with horses, yes,” he said flatly. “And cows. And other hoofed animals. I am not capable of being a professional teacher or working with people’s kids.”
“But—”
“I’m a cowboy,” he snapped.
“Yes, but that’s not all you have to be.” She reached for his hand. “You could be so much more than that.”
Before her fingers could slip through his, he drew his hand back, feeling as if he were coming out of his skin. He wanted to get up and pace away. Go outside and let the wind cool him down until he wasn’t pissed and embarrassed anymore. “If me being a cowboy isn’t good enough for you, then say it flat out, Charlie.”
“What?”
“Every time we see each other, you tell me I could be something more. Maybe I could. I seriously doubt it, but maybe I could. But that’s not the point. I am not something more. If you don’t like it—”
“Of course I like it!”
“It’s getting hard to tell, honestly. I’m a cowboy. That’s what I do. It doesn’t pay well and it’s not glamorous, and I go out and get rough and dirty and tired and hurt, but I’m damn good at it. I don’t read. I don’t analyze. I don’t improve the world or build new technology or contribute ideas. I’m sorry if that’s too little for you to accept.”
She stared at him, openmouthed, before she slowly shook her head. “I didn’t mean that, Walker. I’m trying to help. I know you’re a cowboy, but you’re more than that, too. You’re—”
“No. I’m not. That’s all I am, and all I’ll ever be. You know that better than anyone.”
“You know, you could try some more classes....”
His heart raced into panic. He set his jaw and tried to hide the fact that he wanted to jump up and flee. “Yeah. Tutoring didn’t work so great for me, remember?”
“I was just another kid, Walker. And now that you’re an adult, you’re probably more focused. It wouldn’t just be about trying to get a passing grade in a class you didn’t want to take in the first place. It would be a way to get better at your work.”
“That seems a little drastic for a ranch hand.”
“But...” He knew what she meant to say, but she must’ve taken his earlier words to heart, because she let her words die in her throat.
“I really don’t want to talk about my damn learning disability on a date. I’ve heard enough about it to last ten lifetimes. But thank you.” He said it as flatly as he could. This conversation was over as far as he was concerned, but he had the feeling that Charlie would keep pressing if he gave her an inch.
Still, he felt bad almost immediately. She watched him, her eyes dark with hurt after his hard words, her forehead drawn tight in disbelief.
“All right?” he said, forcing a smile. “No hard feelings.”
“Sure, but...I didn’t mean anything bad, Walker. I swear.”
He nodded, and they both focused on their dinners. When the waiter offered dessert, they declined. Walker tried to tease Charlie about not finishing her food, but she only smiled and picked at the potato salad with her fork.
