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“I’m sorry,” she whispered. She wasn’t sure if she should touch him, wasn’t sure they had that kind of relationship. But he was telling her something secret, wasn’t he? He was sharing a pain that maybe only she could understand. Sophie wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her cheek on his chest. “It was scary, wasn’t it?”
His arms folded her in tighter. “Hmm?”
“It was scary,” she whispered again. It had terrified her. She’d been scared for years. Not because Sophie had thought someone had kidnapped her mom or killed her or taken her away, but because she thought they hadn’t.
His arms were so warm around her. He surrounded her. He filled up all the terrifying doubts inside her for that one brief moment. She held on and listened to his heartbeat and she didn’t think about how cold it was up there on the trail. How dark and terrible.
When she pulled back again it was fully dark and a million stars shone above them. The moon hit the pale gray wood of the closest buildings, and the walls caught just enough light that they looked like ghosts lurking in the distance.
“I shouldn’t have brought you here,” Alex said.
He shouldn’t have. She’d wanted to go away, not come back to this place.
“Let’s just ride,” she sa
id. “Just a little farther. Okay?”
“Yeah. That sounds good.” She’d started to move to the bike, but Alex said her name. She turned back to face him.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t plan to come here. I just looked up and there it was, and... Shit. I don’t know. There’s this ridiculous dedication tomorrow, and I fucking hate it and I realized that at least you’d understand. That I could tell you.”
“You don’t have to apologize. I do understand. Tomorrow’s going to be hard.”
The outline of his shoulders slumped a little. He was facing away from the moonlight. She couldn’t see his face, just the glint off his scalp and the delicate scallop of one ear.
“I know you can’t talk to anyone else about it,” she said. “I can’t either. You have your brother, at least.”
His head tilted. “You have your brother, too,” he said wryly.
“Ha! Okay. I see your point.” She turned and faced the town, thinking this was the time to talk if she ever wanted to. Alex would be gone soon. Tomorrow or the next day. He’d be gone and she’d go back to her life. Librarian and daughter and sister by day. Her real self once or twice a year with men who’d never know anything else about her.
Alex was the only one who really knew there were two Sophies. Lauren knew a little bit, but only a little.
So she looked at the ghostly wisps of the town and the black edge of the hills rising above it.
She took a deep breath. “This is where they died,” she whispered. She’d never said it. Not out loud. She’d always said missing or disappeared or gone or vanished. But that wasn’t it anymore. Her mother was dead.
Alex took her hand and they watched the darkness together. “Strange that they were always so close to us,” he said.
She nodded, wondering how many times she’d passed these hills. “Do you want to stay the night again?” she asked.
His hand squeezed hers. “I’d like that.”
“Me, too.”
But neither of them moved for a long time. She’d finally gotten comfortable with this place somehow. Alex’s big hand wrapped around hers made it seem almost peaceful. Almost.
“I don’t know what to do with my mother’s ashes,” she admitted to the town.
She felt Alex turn toward her. “What?”
Sophie laughed nervously, self-conscious even in the dark. “I don’t know what to do with them.”
“Well, you don’t have to do anything with them. Keep them on the mantle or in a closet, even.”
“I mean I haven’t even picked them up yet. I can’t. I don’t know why.”
“Oh, Sophie,” he breathed, and then he surrounded her again, pulling her close to him, making it all go away. “I don’t know why either, but I get it. I do. You’re okay.”
