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“Don’t pass that on to Jean-Marie,” Veronica added quickly. “It was a personal conversation. But...I just feel so stupid. Like he was playing me this whole time.”
“But was he?” Isabelle asked. “You just started dating. Were you guys serious yet?”
That was the question, wasn’t it? She’d felt serious things for him, but they’d never once talked about it. She’d never even asked if he was seeing other people. Maybe she wasn’t being rational, but feelings weren’t supposed to be rational, were they? And maybe it had meant too much to her, after all.
But she couldn’t explain that to Lauren and Isabelle. She’d confessed that she was a failure in New York, but she couldn’t confess this.
“Did he lie to you?” Lauren asked, putting her hand over Veronica’s. “Because that’s really shitty if he did.”
Not quite. Not really. “I can’t say he lied to me. It’s just that he only told me the easy things and not the difficult ones.”
Lauren nodded. “But didn’t you do the same? Isn’t that what people do when they’re first dating? Put on their best face?”
“Maybe that’s my problem. I told him things I’d never told anyone. But that was my fault, right?”
Isabelle shook her head. “You were open. There’s nothing wrong with that. You trusted him.”
“That’s the thing!” s
he said. “He asked me to trust him, and I did. I honestly did. I trusted him to be honest and I even trusted him with—” She snapped her mouth shut, hoping she’d caught it in time, but both women were eyeing her intently now. Waiting.
“Is there something you’re not saying?” Lauren asked quietly.
Veronica glanced around again. No one was paying attention besides these two women. Her friends. People who hadn’t batted an eye at her last confession. She squeezed her eyes closed. “He was my first,” she whispered.
“What?” Isabelle asked. Veronica felt her lean closer. “Your first what?”
Determined not to be a complete coward, Veronica opened her eyes. “My first time.”
Lauren frowned. “Back in New York, you mean? You knew him before?”
“No. I mean here. A week ago.”
It finally hit Lauren. Her eyes went wide. She sat back. Isabelle was still frowning, but a few seconds later she slapped a hand over her mouth. “You’re kidding,” she said past her fingers.
Veronica shook her head.
Lauren looked around as if she was confused. “But you’re...you’re an expert.”
“Yeah. I read a lot.”
“He was really your first?” she asked, looking as if the shock was still sinking in.
“Yes.”
“Did he know?” Lauren asked.
“Yes. And he made it perfect. So completely perfect. Maybe that’s why this is so hard to take, because it’s not perfect anymore. He’s gone.”
Lauren’s mouth went tight. “I’m going to kill him.”
“No! It’s not his fault. I didn’t want it to be something weird and meaningful. I just wanted to do it. God, this is so fucking embarrassing. I can’t believe I’m telling you.”
“Shut your mouth,” Isabelle snapped. “Didn’t we already have this conversation? You don’t have to keep your weird crap from us.”
“Ha!” She managed that one laugh, but then tears welled in her eyes and spilled over her cheeks as if someone had switched on a fountain. “I don’t want him to be gone,” she admitted, which didn’t help slow her tears at all. “Shit, is everyone looking at me?”
“No one is looking at you,” Isabelle said, but Veronica felt a cocktail napkin thrust into her hand. She dabbed at her cheeks.
