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He squeezed the bag harder in his hand, crumpling the paper until it tore under his fingers. He tilted his head toward the couch. Tessa edged quickly around it and sat down as if she were permanently laying claim to that spot.
Luke sat with more care, afraid if he moved too quickly, he’d forget not to reach for her. He’d forget that he shouldn’t tuck his face against her neck and breathe her in. If he tasted her scent, he’d be lost. Hell, he’d be so lost that he wouldn’t even care. So Luke sat on the edge of the couch and clutched the paper bag like a shield.
“I can’t pretend that I’m an open book,” he said. “But I’m not stupid. I’ll fall in love again. I’ll have relationships, and those won’t be real if I don’t open up. But I can’t do it with someone like…”
“Someone like me?”
“No.”
“I don’t—”
“My ex-wife,” he interrupted. “She’s a good person. But we didn’t trust each other, not enough to be honest. It was more like a chess match than a marriage. We circled each other like adversaries. But we were so young. I didn’t see that.”
“I know I haven’t been the most honest person in the world, but—”
“It’s not that simple. You don’t understand….”
“Then make me understand!” she shouted. “Please.”
He made the mistake of looking at her eyes, liquid with sorrow. She was pulling him in, so he shook his head and looked away. “I was devastated by the divorce. Blindsided. And I hadn’t once thought of falling in love again, and how that might happen. But everything about you made me think about it. Made me want it. Still….”
“What?”
“Tessa, I can’t spend all my time wondering what you’re really thinking. What you’re really feeling. What you’re keeping from me because you’re afraid I won’t like it. And shit, I can’t do that to you, either. I thought my wife and I had a good, normal marriage. I never realized that she wasn’t happy, because she didn’t tell me and I didn’t pay attention. At all. I lived in my own head, in my job. I loved her. But I didn’t know how to be in a relationship. Next time, I’ll pay attention, but I can’t live with the constant fear that I’ll come home one day and find a note….”
He dared a look at Tessa and saw tears running down her face. His heart shook at the sight. “Please don’t cry.”
“I don’t know how to…” Her voice broke on a sob, but she swallowed it back and took a deep breath. “I don’t know how to prove to you that I get it, but I do. You were right. I want to control things because…because I never want to be left again. You can’t imagine…”
“I know.” His hand rose of its own accord, wanting to touch her, offer comfort. He forced it back to the bag, and he squeezed the paper to stop his shaking.
“But I was lying more and more,” she said, her voice tight with tears. “And suddenly I’m not really keeping them close at all, am I? It’s not really love anymore if they don’t know me. How could it be?”
“They love you no matter what.”
She nodded. “You’re right. So I have to let go of them, and live my own life. Without being terrified. And I want part of that life to be you, Luke. If I promise not to lie to you and you promise not to lie to me…can we just try?”
The ice in his glass shifted, drawing his eye, and he desperately wished he’d downed another shot. Everything inside him wanted to say yes. Yes, of course they could try. Yes, she’d brought him back to life and he couldn’t walk away from that.
Christ. He swallowed hard, then swallowed again, trying to clear the lump from his throat. How could he walk away from her? Was he really so weak that he couldn’t go after the best thing that had ever happened to him? Everything about her made him happy.
He shook his head, twisting his hands so hard that the bag finally gave way with a weak rip. When he saw what was inside, he couldn’t stop his bark of disoriented laughter, but that laughter was thick with pain. “Tessa.” He groaned.
When she drew in a breath, it trembled in her throat. He didn’t dare look at her, and in the end, that was his downfall. His inattention gave her the chance to sneak up on him. She slid onto his lap and put her arms around his neck, and as soon she touched him, he knew he didn’t have a chance.
“I’ll take care of your heart, Luke. I swear I will.”
He breathed her in, and just as he’d feared, her scent settled inside him, filling up every space in his chest.
“Please believe me. It’ll be a relief, being honest. It’ll be so much easier than trying to make everything perfect all the time.”
He dropped the bag and put his arms around her, and his whole body gave up the fight. It felt good and right with her. It always did.
She wasn’t his ex, and he wasn’t that man anymore. Tessa made him laugh, she made him happy. He’d never dare to take her for granted.
He closed his eyes and kissed her temple, letting the relief wash over him. She was what he wanted. Pushing her away had felt like the most bitter kind of cure, but maybe it had only been fear, pure and simple. How could he know for sure?
He was gone now. Lost in the weight and warmth of her body curling into him. “Don’t cry,” he whispered when he felt her breath break against his neck. “Please don’t cry.”
