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“Jess.” Caleb’s hand tightened on her chin.
She shook her head. She could still remember being on her knees, Theodore’s body slapping against her as he drove himself inside over and over. Her hands clutching the bedcovers as she squeezed her eyes so tightly shut that her head ached. Even over Theodore’s grunting, she’d heard the door creak. Her eyes had snapped open to find the minister in the doorway, grinning like an ape.
She’d screamed, trying to pull away from Theodore and snatch up the sheets to cover herself, but he’d held her firmly, his fingers digging deep into her hips. “He just wants to watch,” he’d growled. “Calm down.”
When she’d struggled again, he’d wrapped a hand in her hair and pulled her back like she was a skittish horse. This man who’d treated her like a daughter all those years, he’d held her back like a farm animal. “I said he just wants to watch.” He’d driven himself deep again. “No harm—” another thrust “—in that.”
But then the minister had unfastened his pants.
Jess had cried out and tried to twist away from Theodore, but he’d only yanked on her hair until she screamed. “All right,” he’d said on a laugh. “Maybe he wants a go at you too.”
Jessica was so wrapped up in the memory that she couldn’t bear Caleb’s touch anymore. She flinched away from him. “I couldn’t do it,” she rasped.
“Couldn’t do what, Jess?”
“He said he’d already paid for the night and I’d do as he said. But I couldn’t. I got away.”
Everything was still too crystal clear. The feeling of Durst moving inside her, her breasts bouncing with each thrust. A man she’d thought was a man of God standing there with his dick in his hand, waiting his turn to defile her.
Theodore had finally grunted like a pig. She’d felt his seed dripping out of her, sliding down her shaking legs even before he’d pulled himself out and slapped her ass.
She’d waited one more moment, waited for the minister’s pants to be around his ankles. Waited for Theodore to sink back, as if he expected her to simply stay poised on her knees, ready for another mount. And then she’d sprung, leaping toward the door, scrambling on her toes and hands when she hit the floor, then pushing up to race for the stairs. Her shift had slid back down her body from where Theodore had shoved it up around her waist.
Their shouts had sounded far away before she’d even reached the door. Half-naked, she’d run into the night, sprinting for the tall shrubs that led to trees and then to the creek.
They hadn’t followed far, though they’d waited a long time. The cold had seeped into her body. She’d wrapped her arms around her legs and held tight, trying to still her violent shaking.
Eventually, they’d left. She’d escaped the minister’s han
ds. But she hadn’t escaped his pride. He’d spread tales about her through the town, her punishment for his rejection.
She wished she’d simply let him take his turn. That would have been easier to live with. It would’ve been no different than it had been with Theodore.
“Jessica,” Caleb said, his hand tipping her face toward him, though he must have been as blind in the dark as she was. “Why didn’t you tell me? That there was only one?”
“Does it matter?” she rasped.
“Yes,” he answered. Then, “No. I don’t know. I don’t know anything except that I still love you.”
Those awful, wonderful words again. They couldn’t be true. “Would you love me if there had been fifty?”
“Yes.”
Yes. She believed him. Hadn’t he said it before she’d blurted out the stupid truth? He didn’t care how many men there’d been, so why had she wanted to tell him? “I love you too,” she choked out. “But I can’t.”
“Tell me who it was,” he begged. “I’ll make him pay, and then we’ll leave. We’ll marry in California. We’ll have everything we planned for.”
“I can’t. Please. I can’t tell you. And I can’t be your wife. Your family…” It had taken quite a while for the fullness of the shame to hit her. She hadn’t betrayed only Caleb but also his poor mother, who’d always been kind.
“My family will have to understand.”
“No! I can’t ever marry you. That can’t happen. I can’t be with you, Caleb.” She’d let herself be lulled into thinking they could have something, but if he ever found out the truth, he’d hate her.
“Then—”
“No,” she insisted. “You have to leave in the morning.”
“I won’t—” he tried again, but she cut him off.
