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She laughed.
“I don’t know. I guess I don’t think of them as embarrassing, they’re just cute.” I glared at her.
“That’s because they didn’t happen to you.”
“Mmm, good point.”
I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing. I could feel Cara doing the same next to me. I was getting into a totally zen place, when she sat up suddenly.
“What is it? Splinter in your back?”
Her face was serious.
“What is it Care?” I had been on the edge of my seat, waiting for her to confide in me. I’d never experienced so much anticipation in my life. Not even when I was waiting to see if I got into the college I wanted to go to.
“Nothing. Just... thinking.” She rubbed her arms as if she was cold.
Moments ago she’d been laughing. This wasn’t the first time she’d switched so fast and I was starting to get whiplash.
“Thinking about what?” I asked.
She pulled her knees up and rested her chin on them.
“Just life. The past. Growing up.”
“That’s a lot of things to think about at once.” She glanced at me.
“Yeah, I know. Therapy has made me way too contemplative. Thinking about the past and seeing it through a different lens. It’s confusing as all hell.” Sounded like it.
“Anything I can do?” I tried not to sound too desperate.
“No, I’m good. Just being here with me and letting me blather on about nonsense is more than enough. And having patience with me while I figure my shit out.” I could do both of those things. Not easily or well, but I could do them.
“Thanks, Care. You know I’d do anything. I’ve already figured out the best way to hide a body, should the need ever arise.” Cara smiled and the tension in my chest eased a fraction.
“I don’t even want to know.”
“I’m going between burying it in an existing grave and dissolving it in drain cleaner and then grinding up the bones.”
Cara made a face of disgust.
“You are so getting arrested for looking that up online.”
“No way. There are millions of people looking up way worse shit.”
We both shuddered imagining what those searches might look like.
“You wanna take a walk down the road?” My stomach was starting to feel better and I wanted to get up and move.
“Sure.”
My parents lived down a dirt road that was off another smaller road where three cars driving down in an hour was considered “traffic.” Gotta love rural New England.
Cara and I strolled leisurely, picking wildflowers along the way. My mom would love them just as much as she did when we were six and handed dirty bouquets to her with the roots hanging down.
“I can’t believe we’ve been married for a month,” she said, plucking a daisy.
“I know. It feels like it’s been forever, but also only a day? It’s weird how things can be like that.” She nodded and shook some dirt from her flowers.
“Do you like it? Being married to me?” she asked.
“Yeah, I do.” I was trying not to be too enthusiastic. I fucking loved being married to her. It was awesome. “And you?”
“It’s pretty great.” Cara gave me a brief smile. “So you’re not thinking about annulment?”
“Not really,” I said, which was a lie. I had been waiting for her to bring this up for weeks. We’d gotten the money, so there wasn’t a logical reason for us to stay married anymore, but I still. I didn’t want to annul anything.
“Oh,” she said. “Then you think we should stay married?”
“I mean, there’s no reason for us to. So I guess we can annul it.” I could barely get the words out. They physically hurt to say out loud. Plus, they were lies.
“Yeah, we probably should.” She plucked a black-eyed Susan and added it to her bouquet.
“But we don’t have to. We can stay married. Unless that would throw a wrench in your dating life.” It pained me to bring it up, but ever since Ansel had asked, I couldn’t help thinking that she might want to start dating and not have to worry about confessing she had a fake wife waiting at home.
“Oh, no, I’m not thinking about dating anytime soon. Especially not with school starting. I wouldn’t have the time. And I just don’t feel like it.” Something told me there was more to that story than just school.
