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“There has to be a middle ground between holding it in and setting fire to an acre of corn.”
“Half an acre,” Theta mumbled.
“What if we practiced together?” Evie suggested.
Theta thought about all that corn, now blackened to ash. “I don’t know, Evil.…”
“Who was it who went with me to rescue Sam?”
“Me.”
“That’s right. And now I’m going to help you. That’s how it works.”
“How what works?”
Evie kissed Theta on the cheek. “This crackers little thing called friendship.”
PURPOSE
The next morning, after they’d gathered the eggs and put away all the breakfast dishes, Evie led Theta past the barn and out farther, into a pasture sweet with tall green prairie grass and cows that grazed and flicked their tails, disinterested in the two determined figures tromping past them.
“You think you should warn Clarabelle over there that she might end up a steak?” Theta joked and rubbed her palms against the sides of her dress.
Evie glanced over her shoulder at the cow. “Nah.”
“What about you, Evil? Aren’t you scared that I’ll…?”
“Petrified.” Evie held out her hands.
“But I could… you know.”
“You won’t. Remember: You’re in charge of the fire. It’s not in charge of you,” Evie said.
“I’m in charge,” Theta said. “I’m in charge here.” She glanced over at Evie. “But just in case, you might wanna back up, Evil, and let me try one on my own.”
I’m in charge, Theta thought. The fire boiled up inside her, a howl wrapped in rage, but then she grew afraid and it went away.
“Theta, darling. You can do this.”
“It’s so much,” Theta said.
Evie waited for her to say more.
“I used to feel numb a lot. When you grow up like I did, having to perform onstage and then having to perform so people… so…” Theta swallowed. “So they’ll love you. It’s easier just to push it all down. But now, ever since we all got together and started moving our atoms around or whatever it is Ling says it is, well, I can’t be numb anymore. I feel everything, Evil. I’m so”—Theta’s mouth opened a little wider, like there was a scream prying its way out—“angry all the time. I don’t know what to do with all these feelings coming up inside me. I don’t know where to put ’em.”
Evie often felt a sadness that had no borders, as if she’d been set adrift on a great sea of lonesome with no way back home. She would do anything not to feel lost in all that awful loneliness—drink, jump out of cakes, kiss boys, shop. “It’s easier not to feel sometimes, but that just means when it comes back—”
“It’ll come back threefold,” Theta said.
“There’s a lot to be angry about,” Evie said.
“There’s a lot to be sad about,” Theta said.
And this, for some reason, made them both fall down laughing till tears came.
“We are pos-i-tutely perverse, Theta!”
“Completely crackers, Evil.”
