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(holding out hand)
INT. CAR – LATER
(Teen daughter emerges with a freshly plucked upper lip. She also has porcelain teeth veneers, hair extensions, and a body-hugging school uniform. Her skin is artificially tan and shiny.)
MOM
Wow! Look at you! You’re looking great!
DAUGHTER
Thanks to you — and new Lady ’Stache Off with triple beauty action™.
MOM
Lady ’Stache Off. Because there’s nothing wrong with you … that can’t be fixed.
MISS TEEN DREAM FUN FACTS PAGE!
Please fill in the following information and return to Jessie Jane, Miss Teen Dream Pageant administrative assistant, before Monday. Remember, this is a chance for the judges and the audience to get to know YOU. So make it interesting and fun, but please be appropriate. And don’t forget to mention something you love about our sponsor, The Corporation!
Name: Petra West
State: Rhode Island
Age: 16 1/2
Height: 5’ 11”
Weight: A lady never tells
Hair: Caramel blond
Eyes: Topaz
Best Feature: My mouth
Fun Facts About Me:
I love old Hollywood glamour, and my dream role would be to play Marlene Dietrich’s role in The Blue Angel.
My mom is a seamstress and artist. She taught me to sew, bead, knit, smock, and just about everything else. I make all my own costumes.
My favorite novel is Orlando, by Virginia Woolf. I’ve read it four times.*
The Corporation product I couldn’t live without is Lady ’Stache Off. It leaves my legs silky smooth for days. Sometimes it gives me a bad rash first, but that’s the price of beauty, right?**
I can do all the moves from the video for “You’re My Only Girl, Girl” by Boyz Will ? Boyz. But only if you beg.
I believe in mystery and old-school modesty, so I wear a sarong in the bathing suit competition.
The thing that scares me most is not being myself.
7Che Guevara, the Argentine Marxist revolutionary who later became a bestselling T-shirt icon.
*Pageant official says I should change this to something more “relatable,” like I Love You So Much I Forgot to Have a Real Life. But that book makes me want to yak.
**Pageant official also says not to mention rash.
