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Gonzo whispers in my ear. “What if that thing pushes you into another reality where you’re a Grade-A wanker with no girlfriend. Oh wait. That would be this reality. Never mind.”
“Fuck off,” I whisper, and Gonzo’s smile widens.
“What’s that?” Dr. A asks.
“Nothing,” I say.
Grinning, Dr. T holds up a finger. “There’s no such thing as nothing. In every nothing, there’s a something. In fact, there could be everything!”
“New sales slogan,” Dr. O explains. “Our research is also being funded by the Pursuit of Happiness Corp. Pursue happiness at all costs.”
“Been there,” Gonzo mutters. “Extreme happiness, not all it’s cut out to be.”
I stare at the picture of Dr. X and his wife.
“Where do I sign up?”
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Of What Happens When I Take a Little Trip Through Time and Space. Calabi Yau!
Gonzo and I sit on the porch watching the turbines spin against a night sky polka-dotted with stars. Balder’s off hunting. He insisted I couldn’t go into the Infinity Collider without a proper Viking feast worthy of Valhalla. For the past hour, while we wait for Gonzo’s phone to charge, he’s been arguing against going into the Infinity Collider.
“I’m just saying, dude, that thing doesn’t look promising.”
“You got a better idea?”
“Yeah,” he starts. “No. Not really. But parallel universes? Dude, I’m the biggest Star Fighter fan on this or any other planet, but it’s a movie, you know? That shit’s all science fiction.”
“But what if it’s not? What if there are parallel universes where you’re you, only different. You know, maybe you’re a doctor or a gravedigger or a ninja. Maybe here, in this universe, your—your mom died when you were five”—I choke on the word “died”—“but in another world, she’s alive, helping you make sand castles on the beach.”
“Or maybe there’s another world where you bop in from an Infinity Collider and get eaten by carnivorous house-plants.”
“Don’t start.”
“I’m just saying it’s not all sand castles and ninjas.”
The turbines catch a new breeze and reverse their spin. “But all those other roads, those other choices you don’t make? They must get to live somewhere. I mean, maybe …” I stop because it’s too much to hope for and too stupid to say out loud.
“Maybe what?”
“Maybe there’s a universe where I don’t get this disease at all. Where none of this happens.” As soon as I say it, I think of Dulcie. Of Gonzo and Balder and this whole nutty trip, how I wouldn’t trade parts of it for anything.
Gonzo unwraps a piece of Juicy Chew and pops it in his mouth. “So, what, like, all of time is elastic?”
“Sure. I mean, why not?” I say, getting excited. “Maybe, right now, Junior Webster is still fighting in the war that changed him even as we’re sitting on this porch watching the grass grow. The Copenhagen Interpretation is giving its forty-second comeback show and you’re a kid burying toy cars in the backyard. Or you’re giving a forty-second comeback concert and the Copenhagen Interpretation is hanging with your cars. It’s all a big soup and it never stops cooking.”
Gonzo rubs his head. “Dude, this is a stoner conversation, and we are not even high.”
“I’m just saying that it’s totally possible that things don’t happen until you connect with an event, then the other choices you didn’t make unfold in other worlds.”
“Whatever, dude,” Gonzo says, hands up. “I’m fine with this reality. In fact, it’s already more reality than I can handle. I’m not ready to take on another one.”
“Gonz, if, um—you know,” I say softly. “Make sure Balder gets to the sea and Ringhorn lifts the curse, okay?”
“There is no Ringhorn, man.”
“Just promise me.”
