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“Yeah?” Keith grins. “I didn’t plan it or anything. It just happened.”
“Yeah, great. Listen, we were just talking about building some YA! TV promos around you. You could be the wacky Magic Screw Guy. What do you say to that?”
“I’d be on TV?” Keith punches the air with his fist. “All right! Sign me up, man!”
“Great! We’ll go fill out the paperwork. Listen, you like Rad soda?”
And just like that, something in the cosmos shifts. A butterfly flaps its wings in South America. Snow falls in Chicago. You give an idiot a stupid magic screw and it turns out to be a necessary part after all.
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
In Which Gonzo Makes a Life-or-Yard-Gnome Decision
A hundred bucks of my prize money has gotten us intel about Balder. He’s currently in Marisol’s dressing room, where she’s using him as a jewelry tree. Another hundred bucks has gotten us badges that allow us backstage access. The minute Marisol leaves her dressing room for the beach stage to film a spot, we duck inside. We find Balder buried under a collection of colorful scarves. His face is red and he looks tired.
“Thank the gods you’ve found me,” he says with a sheepish smile. “I’ve never been so humiliated in all my life. Do you know she let her friends put makeup on me?”
Balder is indeed sporting some sparkly blue eye shadow and glossy lipstick.
“It’s cool,” Gonzo says. “You look pretty glam rock.”
“Let’s just get you out of here, okay?” I bundle Balder up in one of the scarves and we head for the door just as Parker walks in.
“Cameron! The Cam-right-answer-man. What are you doing here?”
“Um, nothing.”
“You smoked it today. Good job. Is that the gnome?” The scarf has fallen off Balder’s face. Parker eyes us suspiciously. “What are you up to?”
“We … ah … they told us to bring it to the stage,” I lie.
“Bullshit. I’m calling security.” Parker reaches for his phone.
“Okay!” I shout. “You totally busted us. We just wanted to take some pictures. School prank. You know?”
“Yeah. I know. I know that you’re trying to make off with YA! TV property. Gonna need this little guy for promos.” He flicks his finger at Balder’s nose. Balder flinches, but Parker doesn’t notice.
“Parker. Please. Just let us take him for pictures.” I fan out the bills in my hands.
Balder’s eyes get huge.
“Come on, dude,” Gonzo adds. “Don’t make us go home empty-handed. There’s bills riding on this in the locker room. Reputations.”
Parker tries on a pair of expensive sunglasses and checks himself out in the mirror. “You can have the gnome,” he says, taking off the glasses and pocketing them. “On one condition.”
“Anything. You name it,” I say.
He points to Gonzo. “Your friend here does I Double Dog Dare You.”
We are so screwed. Balder shuts his eyes. He knows his fate as a cross-dressing object of destruction has just been sealed.
“He can’t, but I can,” I say.
Parker shakes his head. He pokes through the food tray, taking some grapes and a hunk of cheese. “You’ve already been on. Besides, we’ve never had a dwarf.”
I put the four hundred dollars on the table.
“I make that in an hour.”
