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“What size, bro?” the guy asks me when I grab one.
“When did you make these?”
“Last night, right after they filmed I Double Dog Dare You. It was outrageous, man. A dwarf and an electric chair.”
I’m running fast on the beach. An electric chair? Panic has completely overtaken my senses. I run till I can’t run another step. Then I go back to the room, trembling and spent.
“What’s wrong? What’s the matter?” Balder asks the minute I walk in.
I slump down in one of the chairs. “I f**ked up, Balder. I forgot about Gonzo last night. I think something happened to him. Something bad.”
Someone’s banging on the door. “Open up! Police!”
Jenna promised me a head start.
“I said, open up!”
Balder nods gravely. I open the door.
“Dude, you are so busted!” Gonzo races in, beaming. “You look like you just dropped a load, man.”
I grab him in a full body hug. “Gonzo!”
“Aaahh!” He winces. “Watch the shoulder.”
“Oh my,” Balder says. “You’ve a warrior’s countenance now.”
I put Gonzo down and take a good look.
“Well. What do you think?” he asks, beaming. His clothes are torn and grungy and covered in some kind of dye. His hair is blue-black, and he’s sporting a new Mohawk.
“Holy Shiite Muslim,” I say, circling him, checking out the back.
“You like it? It’s cool, right?”
“It’s insane!”
“Yeah, I know. Check out the tattoo.”
“You got a tattoo?”
“Yeah. Shoulder. Check it out, dude.” He pulls down his shirt to show me his shoulder, and there it is in new ink, the Buddha Cow above the words How Now Mad Cow?
“What the hell happened?”
“Dude, it was so kick-ass. I was at the Party House with Parker and Marisol and these two other people who are supposed to go on before me. I am totally freaked-the-hell-out. They keep showing these promos from I Double Dog Dare You, and it is just the gnarliest shit you can imagine. People bungee jumping into horse manure. Guys getting their whole bodies waxed, screaming in pain. The first one to go up is this chick. They double dog dared her to eat a dung beetle …”
“A dung beetle? Where did they get—”
“Put a cap on it for a sec. So they dared her but she wouldn’t do it, man. No go. Same with the guy who was supposed to get his butt shaved and shocked with a cattle prod. He was a total cabrón, anyway. He let them shock him on the arm, but it’s not the same, you know? The crowd booed him. They thought he was completely lame. Next thing I know, Drew—remember Drew? Guy who took me to the first-aid tent at the auction?”
“Yeah,” I say.
“Turns out he works on the show. Anyway, he sits down next to me and says, ‘Don’t worry. You’ll be great.’ Like he totally believed I could do it. I can see Parker waving me up and everybody yelling and shit, but it’s like I don’t even hear it. And right then, I thought, what the hell. What. The. Hell. I never do anything. Boom! These two huge dudes come strap me into an old electric chair, and right then, at that moment, I had no idea what was going to happen. I thought I was going to shit my pants.”
My heart’s thumping hard just hearing this. Balder’s on the edge of his seat.
“And?” Balder prompts.
