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“You’re saying one thing, but I can sense that you’re feeling another.”
I let go of his hand. Sometimes I liked to keep my emotions to myself. Having someone know what was simmering under the surface was unsettling. But he got a pass this time. I didn’t have the time or energy to try and explain what privacy meant to me.
I crossed my arms, trying to let my annoyance go. “I am okay to some degree, but it’s all relative, you know?”
He pulled out two chairs, and faced them together. “Sit. Let’s get you calm again before you go try this thing with Meredith.”
That was a fantastic idea. I couldn’t afford to lose control of my wolf. I’d nearly attacked Luciana this morning, and that wasn’t acceptable. Now I was an inch away from totally snapping on my friends.
After the Tribunal, things would be easier. Or so I hoped. But until then, I needed to be on my A game all the time. Today it felt like I was on my C-minus game at best.
He sat in the other chair. “So, I’ll ask it again. How are you doing?”
“Not great. I’m totally on edge about everything. I’m wasting time talking to you and that’s kind of pissing me off—”
“You’re not wasting time,” he said, interrupting me. He frowned. “I hope you know that this might not be fixable. You can’t control everything. You can’t save everyone.”
I chewed on my lip. This wasn’t what I wanted to hear. Not at all. “I don’t want to save everyone. Just Meredith.”
“I know, cherie. I know.” He leaned toward me and placed his hand on my knee. The scent that I’d come to know as his—forest and something a little spicy that was just him—comforted me. “Are you sure you want to do this? It wasn’t that long ago that you wanted to get rid of your visions entirely.”
I slouched in the chair as I thought about the truth in his words. “I did, but this is different.”
“Then why are you so conflicted about it?”
It all came down to one thing. Privacy. It was something that I cherished, and as someone who got a lot of crap for intruding on other people’s memories, I knew how much others valued theirs. “It feels immoral. Like it’s ethically shitty of me to even consider doing it. But I don’t see any other way.”
“She wouldn’t mind. If she were awake, she’d let you in. So, I don’t know why you’re beating yourself up.”
I wasn’t so sure of that. Meredith liked her privacy more than most. And, if I was being honest with myself, it wasn’t just that. I didn’t like being sucked into other people’s memories. It wasn’t fun for me. I’d already lost touch with every aspect of reality that I held true. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take.
“Will it make you feel better or worse if I go with you?”
Would it make me look weak to need him to hold my hand? Probably. Did I care? Not really. Having him in the same room centered me. “That would actually be great. You don’t mind?”
“Cherie.” I grinned at his look of exasperation. “What wouldn’t I do for you?”
“I don’t know.” But I was starting to think that there really wasn’t much.
He shook his head. “It’d be nice to have a little bit of an upper hand on something in this relationship.” The words were a little mumbled.
I grabbed his shirt and pulled him toward me. “Thank you,” I said when our lips were almost touching.
“For what?”
“For being you.”
The sight of his dimpled grin made my heart race. He went the final little bit, and our lips touched. I wanted to breathe him in. His heart pounded as I ran my hands under his shirt.
He bit my lip. “You’re playing with something dangerous.”
“Dangerous might not be so bad.”
His eyes flashed golden for a split second. “Not yet. After the ceremony, then yes.” He took a breath. “Merde, Tess. You’re making it really hard.”
“That’s what she said.”
His whole body shook as he laughed. “I walked into that one.”
