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Her gaze darted all over my face. Never steady. I put my hand on her cheek and she finally focused on me.
I could almost feel a question hovering between us. “What?” I needed to know what she was thinking.
I could hear her swallow, and I wondered what she was afraid of.
“Do you really not hold it against me?”
“What?” I had no clue what she was talking about.
“Your pack. You saw me kill a lot of werewolves that night—when they came back—and I always worried. Even seeing how they’d hurt you, that a part of you…”
Was she honestly still worrying about this? I thought I’d been clear when she asked me weeks ago, but apparently not clear enough. “Like I told you before, no. I wasn’t mad then and I’m not mad now about you killing my pack. They needed killing. You saved me.” She had. She really had. “So many in my pack were bitten and that made for bloodthirsty wolves.”
“Or maybe they were just bad humans that were made worse by the wolf.”
“Maybe.” She did have a point, but it was theoretical. I didn’t know any of those Were before they were turned, and I wasn’t sure it mattered. They were monsters and now they were dead.
“There’s something else I never told you…” Her foot brushed against mine.
I took it farther and hooked her leg with mine, pulling her closer.
She let out another soft sigh, and her eyes were looking down at our legs. “I don’t know why I never told you this, but I feel like I’ve done something wrong, and by keeping it from you for so long… Just… Please don’t be mad.”
I ran my fingertip down her cheek, and her gaze darted to mine. “I’m not mad at you. I could never be mad.”
“If you are, it’s okay. But I should’ve done more to help you, after.”
“You did plenty. You got me healed up and set me on my way. I needed to help myself. If that’s what’s bothering you, then stop.”
“No. It’s not that.” She bit her lip for a second. “I just… I think you’re afraid of your wolf. I’m a princess in the Lunar Court. I can feel the wolves around me. I can see what’s under the human side. And I feel you fighting yours all the time. Aren’t you exhausted?”
“Yes.” I shouldn’t have been surprised that she noticed. I noticed everything about her, so it seemed fair that she was paying attention to me, too. “But I won’t give him control.”
“Please, hear me now. Please understand something that I should’ve made clear to you before. You’re from a pack of mad, feral humans who turned into worse werewolves. But you—You. Are. Not. Mad. And neither is your wolf.”
It was something that I was afraid of for sure, but I didn’t know that I’d ever be able to trust my wolf fully. “Are you sure he’s not insane?”
“I’m right. I knew it.” Cosette sat up on the bed. “I knew you were crippling yourself. I’m so mad at you and your wolf and myself for not saying something sooner. We’ve been battling demons and you haven’t let yourself loose and—”
“Shh. There are other werewolves in here, and I’d rather they not know that much about me.”
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay.” I pulled her back down. “The insanity gene runs in my family. I use art and yoga and whatever I can to keep my wolf in check, but I don’t cripple him. I just don’t trust him either.”
“The question will always be there unless I prove it to you.” She placed a hand on my head.
I relaxed into the pillows as my wolf rose up, just to the point where I could feel the pain of the change start, but then it hovered there. My breath came in quick gasps. She was in my head, assessing, poking at my wolf, calling it, and sending it away. Calling it and sending it away. Angering it, and calming. Over and over again.
Sweat beaded on my forehead from the strain, but I didn’t say anything. I trusted Cosette, and I wanted to know if the wolf was insane. I needed to know if I could trust him.
After a moment, she calmed my wolf, and removed her hand from my head. “He’s good. Mad at you for not listening or trusting. I think that’s the anger that you’re feeling. He’s been mad at you for years.”
I shook my head. “He can stay mad. I don’t care. I’m glad he’s not crazy, but that could change.”
“I don’t understand. I mean I know—I saw—but you can’t keep doing this to yourself.”
“Yes, I can.” I went to my bathroom and grabbed a towel. I needed that moment to calm down.
