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And I was right. “Katie, I don’t really know how to say this, so I guess I’d better be direct. I think you’re a great girl, but I don’t think we’re going to work out together.”
This would have been the perfect time for a witty comeback, but all I could do was stare at him in shock. “Not work out together?” I repeated.
He looked intensely uncomfortable, which I couldn’t help but enjoy. The more he had to squirm, the better. “I guess this is when I should say it’s not you, it’s me, but the thing is, it is you, and it is me.”
“Do you think you could diagram that sentence for me? I don’t quite follow it.”
“Okay, then, like we were just saying, you want things to be as normal as possible. I don’t, really. I’ve discovered this whole other world and I want to explore it as fully as possible, take every advantage of it. But you don’t want magic intruding on your regular life. That means ultimately we’d be incompatible. I’d enjoy something that was your idea of a disastrous date.”
“So you like being ambushed by the minions of evil on our way to a party?”
“We got away okay, didn’t we?”
“That time, yeah. But it still wasn’t my idea of a good time. I don’t even really have anything against magic or magical people. If I were dating a wizard or a sprite, elf, or gnome, I’d still want it to be a regularly normal date. They’re just people with different abilities, you know. They’re not a freak show for your amusement.”
He groaned and shook his head. “No, that’s not what I meant. It’s just that I want to explore the differences right now, and you don’t strike me as wanting that.”
“So I’m too normal for you?” It was the story of my life.
“Like I said, you’re a great girl, and if I’d never learned about the whole magic thing, then I probably would have been very happy with you. But the more I learn about other things, the more I want to learn about them.”
“You want to try going out with chicks with wings,” I clarified.
“No!” He shook his head, but the redness rising from his collar was a pretty good sign I’d hit close to the mark. “Well, maybe, but it’s not only that.” He looked down at the table and fiddled with his silverware. “I have a feeling I’m not really what you’re looking for, either. And I’m fairly certain I’m not your first choice.”
There wasn’t much I could say to that, since I’d just been thinking about telling him he’d been my second choice, anyway, and I’d only gone out with him because I’d convinced myself that I could never have the man I really wanted. But although I knew that was true, I couldn’t bring myself to admit it now. “Wait a second, are you taking what Idris said seriously? You know that’s one of his things, where he tries to get under Owen’s skin by saying I’m his girlfriend. My mom misunderstood. It’s not like I’ve been two-timing you.”
He looked across the table at me, and I had the uncomfortable feeling that he could see right through me. “Be honest, Katie,” he said softly. “If not with me, then with yourself. If you want something, you have to believe you deserve it. I like you enough that I can’t deal with the idea of you being with me only because you don’t think you deserve anything better.”
“So now this is for my own good?”
“It’s for both of us. I’d rather end this before it gets deep enough that we get hurt. At least this way we haven’t crossed too many lines that could keep us from ever being friends again.”
If I could put aside my hurt and disappointment long enough, I knew I’d be grateful for the timing. I’d have been utterly desolate if he’d broken up with me after we’d slept together, which is what would have likely happened soon enough if things had gone according to my plans. Then my throat started to ache in the way that meant tears were imminent. I couldn’t let him see me cry.
“Well, thanks for lunch,” I said, fighting for control. My hand shook as I took my napkin off my lap and threw it on the table. “I have to get back to work now. Oh, and the lunch idea was quite the stroke of genius. No time for prolonged conversation or fighting. But for the future, have some mercy and remember that the poor girl has to face her office again after you’ve dumped her. At least do it at the end of the day so she can go straight home and eat ice cream instead of having to pretend to work.” I slid off the booth seat, adjusted my skirt, collected my coat, and turned to go.
“Katie!” he called after me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think about that.”
I couldn’t turn back. The tears had already started to fall and I didn’t want him to see them. Instead, I ignored him and kept on walking. I wasn’t even sure why I was crying. It wasn’t like I’d really fallen in love with him. Deep down inside, I had to admit to myself that he was right, in a way. I did want normal, as much as I’d hated being so utterly ordinary before I joined MSI. I didn’t see how normal and the magical world were necessarily mutually exclusive. The time I’d had dinner with Owen flashed into my brain. That had been such a delightfully normal, ordinary evening, even though Owen was about as magical as you could get. And Ethan was also right about where my heart really was. That didn’t make me feel any less heartbroken. Not only did I not have Owen as anything more than a friend, but I didn’t have Ethan, either.
I paused on the sidewalk to find a tissue in my purse so I could wipe away the tears, and that’s when I felt the tingle. I might not have been able to see anything veiled by magic, but I’d learned to recognize the sensation of magic in use. And magic was in use very close by me, but without my magical immunity I had no idea what was happening. I was as good as blind, and more vulnerable than I’d ever been.
Unfortunately, the magical tingle wasn’t a directional thing. I got the same sense of the little hairs at the back of my neck standing on end no matter where the magic came from. The best I could manage was to play “hot or cold” and see if the tingle got stronger in a particular direction. But I was not up to playing games at that moment. Instead, I stood my ground, facing straight ahead the way I would have even if I could have seen what magical mischief was afoot. “Look, I don’t know what you’re up to, but this really is not the time,” I said to no one in particular. “I’m tired and I’m pissed off, so get the hell out of my way and leave me alone.”
Even a magical creature must have known better than to mess with a woman who’d just been dumped, for the tingle quickly faded. Not wanting to take any chances, I hurried forward to get to the safety of the office before my invisible stalker had second thoughts about letting me go.
I paused before I turned the corner to approach the MSI building and found a clean tissue in my purse. Then I dabbed at my eyes, blew my nose, and checked my reflection in my compact mirror. I didn’t look great, but there was no mascara running down my face, and any redness around my eyes could have come from being out in the cold. With a deep breath, I forced myself to hold my head high and walk toward the entrance with my most confident stride.
I gave a passing nod to the guardian gargoyle—not one I knew, thank goodness—then hurried up to my office. The reigning paranoia meant I didn’t have to worry about anyone trying to strike up a conversation with me along the way. I didn’t even have to worry about anyone making eye contact. I managed to hold myself together until I got to Merlin’s office suite, where Trix cheerfully asked, “So, how was the hot lunch date?” without looking up from her computer.
oked across the table at me, and I had the uncomfortable feeling that he could see right through me. “Be honest, Katie,” he said softly. “If not with me, then with yourself. If you want something, you have to believe you deserve it. I like you enough that I can’t deal with the idea of you being with me only because you don’t think you deserve anything better.”
“So now this is for my own good?”
“It’s for both of us. I’d rather end this before it gets deep enough that we get hurt. At least this way we haven’t crossed too many lines that could keep us from ever being friends again.”
If I could put aside my hurt and disappointment long enough, I knew I’d be grateful for the timing. I’d have been utterly desolate if he’d broken up with me after we’d slept together, which is what would have likely happened soon enough if things had gone according to my plans. Then my throat started to ache in the way that meant tears were imminent. I couldn’t let him see me cry.
