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It freaked me out a little, too. Since last night, I berated myself for not being on the pill. I had stopped taking it a while ago because I’d been struggling with the side effects. Birth control seemed to affect me in a way it did with few others, and I hadn’t taken the time to research other forms of birth control besides a condom. I should have done it, I knew that, especially because I had been gunning for Brent. I had been planning for him to fuck me for so long.
Again, I hadn’t at any point thought “this condom will probably break.” I hadn’t ever been a person to focus on the negative that way, and we’d been so swooped up in the heat of the moment every time, it hadn’t even crossed my mind.
Now it was a different story. He had come inside of me, and if that condom had broken, it meant I had a chance of falling pregnant. I wasn’t ready for a baby at all. I had thought only days ago that I would consider giving my baby up for adoption if I fell pregnant now because I wasn’t ready for it.
But I’d worked out the dates of my last period and when I knew I had ovulated. It was very late in my cycle, and I knew the small facts. I knew that if we didn’t do anything in that fertile window, the sperm couldn’t survive in my system for that long if it didn’t find anything worth doing something with.
I was confident in my math. My cycle had always been very regular. I wasn’t as worried about it as Brent was, which was a relief. A lot was changing for me now. Brent had finally noticed me as a woman. I had been promoted. I just found out I had a sister when I’d always thought I was an only child. To fall pregnant now, or even to worry about it, was a stress I didn’t need.
On Sunday, I went to see my mom. I felt like my whole life had been turned upside down, and it felt good to do something normal and stick to a routine that finally made me feel calm again. My stomach had been clenched so tightly for days now.
Mom hugged me, and all that tension evaporated. Going home was exactly what I needed.
“How are you doing, my honey?” Mom asked.
“I’m all right,” I said. “I’ve had a rough week.”
Dad came out of the house, and I hugged him.
“Hello, pumpkin,” he said, dropping a kiss on my hair. I had missed him. His business trips were never very long, but knowing he was away made it worse.
We sat down to lunch together and joked and laughed. I told them about my promotion, and my parents were ecstatic. They’d always supported me, wished for the best for me, laughed and cried with me. I looked at the two people who had taken me in and raised me, and a lump rose in my throat. I was so lucky to have them.
The lunch was so much like old times I ached. I thought about Zoe, the sister I never knew I had. She hadn’t grown up with all of this. She’d had a completely different life. I didn’t know if her life had been good. All I knew about her was her first and last name, and that she apparently looked like me and had a lot of money. What memories did she have instead of the ones I had?
After lunch, Mom headed out into the garden while my dad parked in front of the television to watch whatever sport was in season. When we had our fingers in the soil outside, Mom glanced at me.
“What’s bothering you, sweetheart?” she asked.
I sighed. Of course she’d noticed something was up. My mom knew me better than anyone.
“I met with Morgan Taylor,” I admitted. I hadn’t told my mom when I had gone. I hadn’t known I how felt about it, and I wanted to make my own mind up about it.
“Really?” She stopped what she was doing. She sat back on her heels and looked at me, curious, unsure.
I nodded and told her everything Morgan had said. I told her about the third sister who’d apparently died very early. I told her about Zoe, who wanted to meet me.
“I don’t know if I’m ready for that. I’m scared that if I meet her, life as I know it will be over. And everything is going so well for me.”
“I understand that,” Mom said. “It’s a risk, but every choice we make is a risk that everything will change. No matter how happy we are.”
She was right, of course.
“Are you sure that’s the only reason you’re reluctant to meet Zoe?”
