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Was it because I was becoming emotionally involved with her? I wasn’t sure. The more I thought about it, the more it turned me on, but I was irritated, too. I didn’t know what was going on with my emotions. I was all over the place, and I hated it. I was usually fully in control of what I felt.
I left the office early in a shitty mood. Usually, when I felt like this, training was the way to blow off some steam. I headed home first to change my clothes before I headed to the gym. The gym wasn’t very full. I started with a warm-up on the treadmill, covering a couple of miles in a light jog before I pushed up the speed. My legs ate the miles as my feet pounded into the belt. I ran until my muscles screamed at me and my chest felt like it was on fire.
When I finally stopped, I was breathing hard. I sat down and gulped down a bottle of water. I had only meant to warm up, but the flat-out run had been good for me.
After catching my breath, I headed to the gorilla pit to pump weights. I did sets for each muscle group until failure. I didn’t usually push this hard, but I didn’t know what I was feeling. I couldn’t put my finger on it, and that pissed me off. I hoped that draining myself emotionally would calm my mind.
Finally, my muscles were dead. I couldn’t train any longer. I had pushed myself to the limit in every way.
I walked to the showers on legs made of Jell-O and washed. For all the hard work I’d done, I still couldn’t get Rena off my mind, and the feelings inside me, whatever they were about, wouldn’t go away. Dammit.
When I climbed into my car to head home, I was in a worse mood than I had been when I went to the gym. What the fuck was up with me? I wished I had an answer, whatever it was. At least if I knew what I was feeling, I could deal with it instead of hanging in limbo like this, unsure of what was going on in my head and my heart.
Chapter 19
Rena
On Wednesday, I met Holly for lunch. So much had happened since I’d last seen her, and Holly had been on vacation with her parents after winning three tickets in a competition, so there was a lot to talk about.
“How was it?” I asked when Holly and I sat down.
“It was great, but I’m glad I’m back,” Holly said. “It’s hard spending time with my parents when we’re together like that. They can’t help but see me as a child that has to fall under their rules again.”
“It’s hard to be a kid in the house again, huh?” I laughed. I was trying to see the light side, but I couldn’t help but think about everything that was going on in my life. Somewhere out there was a woman who’d had triplets and wasn’t able to raise them. Staying with parents for a week or so seemed so small in comparison.
“What about you?” Holly asked. “How are things between you and Brent?”
I grinned when Holly said it. Her expression changed to surprise when she saw my face. She knew what it meant.
“You didn’t,” she said.
I laughed and nodded. I told her about my trip to Boston and how things had gone for us. She listened, enthralled.
“So, you’re living your fairy tale,” Holly said when I finished my story.
I shrugged. I left out the part about the condom breaking. There was no reason to tell Holly about it when there was no reason to. I wasn’t going to fall pregnant according to my calculations, anyway.
“I’m glad you did it. I guess because he’s such a rickety old man he’ll go for someone so young,” Holly teased.
I rolled my eyes and shook my head, but I was smiling. Holly supported my decision to be with an older man, but she didn’t understand it and she forever made jokes about it.
“Is it weird dating someone who’s old enough to be your dad? Imagine what your dad would say about it.”
I shook my head. “First of all, he won’t say anything because he doesn’t need to know. It’s none of his business. Second of all, Brent is not a rickety old man. He’s more than capable of giving me the best time.”
Holly laughed. “I didn’t need to know that last part.”
We laughed together about it and ordered our food and coffee before we continued talking.
“So, what is this expedition you’re dragging me on?” Holly asked.
