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“How was your meeting with your sister?” I asked. I hadn’t spoken to Rena about it yet. There had been too many other things to worry about.
“It was different than I thought it would be,” Rena said. We were finally slipping into the relaxed conversation we’d had before. “She looks exactly like me, except not at all. Does that make sense?”
I nodded. “She’s a twin, right?”
“Right,” Rena said. “And she’s loaded. With eight-month-old twin daughters, apparently. She wants me to meet her family.”
“How do you feel about that?” I asked.
Rena pulled up her shoulders. “I haven’t thought about what it would mean. I’ve been struggling to wrap my mind around where I come from. How can I be a good mother to my own child if I don’t know who I am first?”
I thought about it. “You knew who you were before the PI contacted you. That hasn’t changed.”
“Hasn’t it?” she asked.
“We’re the sum of our experiences more than a product of where we come from.”
“I guess so,” Rena said. “When I found out I was pregnant, my first thought was to give the baby up for adoption. I didn’t feel like I could do a life like this when I hadn’t planned at all.”
My heart constricted. After I had found the person I wanted to be with and wrapped my mind around the idea of having a family, it could still be taken away from me. But it wasn’t my choice to make alone.
“I met Zoe and wondered how it was possible that I’d grown up without knowing that another life existed, another person who was my blood was out there. And then I started thinking. Would I be able to move on with my life, knowing I had given up my own child? Knowing that he or she hadn’t been giving a choice any more than I had? It seems unfair. I had had a great life, but I had still lost a lot more than I’d thought.”
“What have you decided?” I asked carefully.
Rena looked up at me, her dark eyes large and beautiful.
“I never planned to have a baby. My whole life right now revolves around my career and going through the motions every day. Until this morning, I wasn’t even in something resembling a relationship.”
I liked that she referred to what we had as a relationship.
“But I can’t do that to my child. Not only would it be unfair to the baby, but I’m pretty sure it would kill me.”
“So, we’re keeping the baby?”
Rena nodded her head, and she looked like she was on the verge of tears again.
“We’re keeping the baby,” she whispered.
I couldn’t help myself. I grabbed her and held her against me. There was nothing sexual about it. It was a prolonged hug, something I hadn’t done in years. And it was beautiful. It felt amazing. Having Rena in my arms felt amazing.
We moved to the living room where we sat down together, our limbs tangled so that I didn’t know where my body ended and Rena’s started. I played with her hands, interlinking our fingers, running my fingertips up and down her arm to her knuckles, feeling how soft and smooth her skin was.
“I am all for making this work,” I said. “But I need time to get used to the idea of being a dad. It might take me a while. It was as much a shock for me as it was for you.”
Rena nodded and chuckled. “I can’t give you more than nine months,” she said.
I laughed. “That will have to do, then.”
I kissed her. It was a chaste kiss, not leading to anything. Tonight, I wanted to be with Rena. I wanted to love her. It was what I had been feeling for her. I hadn’t wanted to admit it, but I could barely deny it now. I wasn’t going to tell her that yet, though. That would come in time.
“I have a proposition,” I said.
Rena looked at me. “Oh?”
“I was thinking about raising the child and what we would do as a couple and all that. And I was thinking it might be better if you come to stay here. With me.”
Rena blinked at me.
“I have the space for a baby, and I can make sure you’re comfortable. And if you’re here, I’ll be here to help you when you need it. We can do it together. You don’t have to move in right away—you can stay here now and then and tell me how you feel about it. But we can try?”
