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How could I explain it to her? Older men had a way about them. They were settled in who they were. They weren’t trying to impress anyone. And Brent was at the top of the food chain. He was an alpha. No, he was an alpha’s alpha. And that made him desirable. That I couldn’t have him made him irresistible. And that he wasn’t interested in me made me ache for him. There was nothing as sinfully attractive as what I couldn’t have.
“No,” I said firmly. “It has nothing to do with his money. I’m not a gold digger. He’s just so damn attractive.
Holly shook her head. “It’s against office policy to screw your secretary. Maybe he’s being sensible.”
“Or blind,” I said. I knew a lot of men that didn’t care about office policy. As cliché as it was to fuck the secretary, there was the reason it was so popular. I was the woman Brent spent most of his time with, and I wasn’t ugly by a long shot. Surely, there had to be something in him that wanted me?
“What if you go out to drinks with him? Maybe his mind won’t be at work then and he’ll notice you.”
I shook my head. “You’re trying to make me feel better. But it’s not working. I’m done with this shit.”
Holly smiled and nodded. “Yeah, maybe that’s better. He’s just a guy.”
Just a guy who was so hot I had sex dreams about him. A guy who was so good-looking I wanted him to strip me naked and have his way with me. He was my boss, he was in charge of the office, and I knew what authority looked like. And it was hot.
Brent was just a guy, but he was the guy I wanted.
I sighed and shook my head, trying to get rid of the thoughts. He shouldn’t matter.
But he did, dammit.
Our salads arrived, and we were silent as the waiter placed our salads in front of us. After he left, Holly looked at me with bright eyes.
“We should go out,” she said. “We should get dressed and get wasted and find some guys to take home with us.”
I nodded. “You’re right. We haven’t done that in the longest time.”
Holly nodded. “And it will be good to get Brent out of your system. There’s nothing like another dick to distract you from the one you can’t have.”
I laughed. “You have such a way with words.”
Holly shrugged. “Friend in need and all that.”
Holly was right. What I needed was to get out and find someone else to fuck. I had saved myself for a man who didn’t want me for far too long. It was time to put myself out there and get it on again, to clear the plumbing. Getting with someone in a bar or a nightclub would prove to me that I still had what it took. Just because Brent didn’t want me didn’t mean there was something wrong with me—there was something wrong with him.
“When do you want to do it?” I asked Holly. “This weekend?”
Holly shook her head. “I have to work this weekend. Boss’s orders. But we can do next weekend.”
“It’s a date,” I said. Holly often had to work overtime for her boss, but he paid her accordingly. Sometimes Holly spent hours over the weekend with her boss. What I wouldn’t give to have the same with Brent. But some people have all the luck. And Holly wasn’t even interested in her the boss the way I wanted Brent.
We changed the topic and talked about trivial things, catching up, joking and laughing and having a good time.
After lunch, I made my way back to the office. I felt better about the situation with Brent now that I’d had a chat with Holly about it. She was right; I had to get out there again. If Brent didn’t know what he had, then it was too late.
Back at work, I sat down behind my desk and focused on what needed to be done. I answered emails and labeled packages that Brent wanted to send personally to select clients. There was a new product he was launching, and we had a list of favorites that were offered the first taste as a marketing strategy.
Brent returned to the office after his lunch break. I was concentrating on my work and only glanced up when he walked through the door.
“In my office when you have a chance please, Rena,” Brent said.
“I’ll be there as soon as I finish this.”
Brent continued to his office. I wasn’t sure what he needed from me, but I had to finish the document I was working on. I hadn’t committed to anything right away. I was still a little irritated that Brent only saw me for what I did there. In any other circumstance, I guess it was normal. Why should he see me as more than a secretary? But I wanted him to see me as more, and I had hoped and tried for more. I had dreamed of more. And now that I hadn’t gotten it, I was sour and pouting like a child.
