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“I know, but—”
“Fertile females are like gold in Faerie, Dory—rarer even. And the fey can smell them coming. It’s like…bees to honey. You haven’t seen it—I have.”
“Well, so what? They’re all adults. If they want to—”
“Fertile females.”
“Oh. Oh,” I said, finally getting it. “Is that what you’re—”
“Yes! I know what it’s like to be caught between worlds. I wouldn’t wish that on…well, certainly not a bunch of helpless children!”
“But even if…I mean, the fey are notoriously infertile, right?”
&n
bsp; “With their own women, yes. These are not their own women!”
“Okay, Claire, okay. Calm down,” I told her, feeling a little strange because that was her line. “You’re their commander’s fiancée. Just order them—”
She was already shaking her head. “On something else—anything else—yes. I could. But not on this. Why do you think I’ve kept them so closely confined? Why Heidar has? They’ll just sneak out tonight when I’m asleep. It’s like babysitting twelve randy teenagers, and I can’t watch them all the—”
“So why not get ’em some condoms?” Ray piped up.
Claire stopped. And then turned to look at him. “I…don’t think they know what those are,” she said doubtfully. “They don’t have them in Faerie. The birth rate is low enough as it is; there’s no reason to develop something to lower it even further.”
“Well, it ain’t rocket science,” he pointed out. “They could learn, right?”
Claire was nodding, obviously liking this new idea. “Yes. Yes, they can.” She looked at me. “How many condoms do you have?”
“What?”
“Condoms, condoms! You must have some!”
“Why must I?” I didn’t think sex once a decade warranted it. And anyway, the only guy I was into at the moment wasn’t the type to need them. Not that we would have anyway, considering that I’d spent much of the last two weeks recuperating. And that probably wasn’t going to change, since it would only make it harder when—
“Dory!”
“I’m fresh out,” I told her.
“Well, go to the store,” Claire said, grabbing her purse and shoving it at me. “I—I’ll take the food out. They’ll have to eat first. And by the time they’re finished, you’ll be back.”
“With the condoms.”
“Right.”
“For the giant orgy you’re convinced we’re about to have in the backyard.”
“Dory! Just go!”
“I’ll go with,” Ray said, getting up. “I need a snack.”
Which was how I ended up condom shopping with a vampire.
“She always that tense?” Ray asked, as we pulled away from the house in my old Firebird.
“No. She’s just…under a lot of pressure right now.”
“What pressure? Her kid’s okay, right?”
