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I’d actually been asking about the shower for Pritkin, who looked like he could use some hot water downtime. But clearly, leaving the two of them together was a no-no. And I was sort of afraid that maybe the couch wasn’t the only thing stinking in the room.
Pritkin threw on the new sweats, which pretty much negated their status as clean, but which meant that I got to keep the whole blanket. I drew it around me until I was pretty sure I wouldn’t shock anybody, and grabbed Caleb’s tee. And then peered out the door.
Thankfully, the halls outside were as deserted as you’d expect at something o’clock in the morning. There wasn’t even a janitor pushing a mop around; just a shadow behind a frosted glass door and a guy doing laps in the gym. Not that it was a gym, per se. Just an area carved out of the huge complex by some plywood partitions, and fitted out with a track, some treadmills and a lot of iron in the form of weights lining the walls.
A Fey would go nuts in here, I thought vaguely, and felt slightly more cheerful.
We followed a line of lockers to the back, where two bathrooms were situated side by side. Pritkin got me a towel and a squeeze bottle of something out of his locker that had no discernable scent but that I assumed was soap. I said thanks and he said nothing at all, and we went our separate ways.
The shower part of the bathroom was, like the rest of the place, extremely utilitarian. I guessed it made sense—until a month ago, the Corps had been based at MAGIC, aka the Metaphysical Alliance for Greater Interspecies Cooperation, aka the supernatural version of the UN. At least it had been, until the war left it a glass slick in the desert. That had forced the Corps to find a new home, and trust them to make it as Spartan as humanly possible.
There were no cubicles—privacy was so damn girly—just an even dozen showerheads and a sloping floor with a drain in the middle. The tile was white and the fixtures were shiny, but only because they were new. I doubted that the shoe warehouse had come equipped with bathrooms this big, so they’d probably been a recent add-on. And yet, despite the newness, the place managed to be really ugly in the tradition of institutional spaces everywhere.
I scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed some more, and since the soapy stuff seemed to double pretty well as shampoo, that included tackling my hair. And damned if I didn’t manage to finally soak the green out. Should have asked Pritkin for something before, I thought blearily, resting my head on the water-slick wall.
I felt exhausted, clammy and vaguely nauseous—the same as when I fed Billy a little too much. I wasn’t completely drained; Pritkin had stopped short of that. In fact, Billy had left me feeling worse than this a time or two—with one exception. Feeding Billy had never left me with a burning little knot of guilt under my sternum.
And that’s exactly what this was, too: guilt. Not overwhelming or paralyzing or crushing, but guilt all the same. I’d experienced enough of it in the past to have no trouble identifying it. I just didn’t know what it was doing there.
This wasn’t the first time Pritkin and I had gotten close; it was the second. The first had been about a month ago during the final battle with Apollo. Pritkin had been seriously injured and his incubus abilities had saved him, with a little help from me. Very little, compared with today, but the basic idea had been the same: I’d provided the energy, he’d done the healing, the end.
And it really had been the end. Our relationship had gone back to the usual and I hadn’t even thought that much about it afterward. There had been so much other stuff going on that it had seemed, well, just one of those crazy things. Like almost drowning myself in a bathtub or being chased by a dragon through an office building. Crazy shit like that happened all the time lately, and that’s the folder it had gone into in my brain. If anything, I’d just been grateful it had worked and that we’d both come out of the battle with a whole skin.
So what was different now?
Was it because I’d enjoyed it? Because I had; there was no point in denying it. Not the first few minutes—those had been pretty damned horrifying. But later . . . yeah. I’d enjoyed it. Kind of a lot. Okay, a hell of a lot. But then, I’d enjoyed it the last time, too. And, seriously, Pritkin was the son of the prince of the incubi. What the hell did my brain expect? That I’d hate it? I mean, what were the odds?
And the fact was, I’d have helped him whether I’d gotten any pleasure out of it or not. The guy was dying. I wouldn’t have let that happen, regardless. And I sure as hell wasn’t sorry he was alive. So no, I didn’t think the pleasure thing was the problem.
Was it maybe because I was dating Mircea now, and I hadn’t been before? I mean, Mircea had claimed me a while ago, but master vamps had a habit of simply taking whatever they wanted, as I knew from long experience. It hadn’t surprised me, but I also hadn’t considered us married just because he said so. I hadn’t considered us as having any status romantically at all until we started dating, and that had been after the last little incident.
So was that it? Was I feeling like I’d cheated on him? I thought about it for a while, but that didn’t feel quite right, either. It wasn’t like this had had anything to do with romance. If Pritkin had been a vampire, I’d have given him blood; as it was, I’d given him what he needed to heal. And considering that he’d almost died in both instances because of me, I’d sort of owed him one.
And yet, for whatever reason, this one felt different. I hadn’t had any trouble meeting Mircea’s eyes after the last time. I didn’t know if that would be true now, and it pissed me off that I didn’t even know why.
However, I did know one thing. I wasn’t going to get any absolution—not that I needed any, damn it—because I couldn’t tell him. Not because I didn’t think he’d understand. Vampires tended to be a lot more pragmatic than humans, and if I could explain that it had been a life-ordeath situation . . . well, there was a chance Pritkin wouldn’t lose too many limbs. The problem, of course, was that I couldn’t.
I couldn’t tell Mircea anything, because if I told him why, I’d also have to tell him what—specifically what Pritkin was. And if I told him what he was, I might as well tell him who he was, since there’d only ever been one humanincubus hybrid in all history.
And I didn’t think the magical community was quite ready to hear that Merlin had returned.
Of course, I didn’t know that they would hear about it.
I didn’t think Mircea would plaster it all over the front pages, for instance. But he’d do something with it. He wouldn’t be a vampire if he didn’t.
And I really didn’t want to find out what that something would be.
After a while, I sighed and gave up. I’d figure it out later when maybe I didn’t feel like I was about to fall over. The water had stayed hot, but my knees were starting to get wobbly, so I shut it off.
God, I was tired.
I dried off and pulled Caleb’s shirt and a half over my head. The “short” sleeves came down past my elbows, and the hem almost hit my knees. I decided it would do and padded back outside.
The jogger had gone off somewhere and no one had taken his place, so the cavernous space felt kind of creepy. I looked around for Pritkin, because it would be perfectly in character to find him pumping iron even after being almost dead half an hour ago. But I didn’t see him.
The gym was big but it was also pretty open, with no real obstacles in the exercise area and only industrial fluorescents overhead. So it wasn’t like I could have missed him. For one, brief, panic-filled moment—or it would have been panicked if I’d had any panic left—I thought he might have gone back to pick a fight with Caleb. But then I heard water running.
I debated it for a couple of seconds, in case it was the runner who had decided to have a sluice down. But I was really too tired to be embarrassed, and war mages tended to take things in stride. I decided to risk it.
