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The understatement is enough to make Lev laugh. “Yeah, you could say that.”
She turns to look across the ravine at the lengthening shadows and the neighbors trying to look as if they’re not looking. “Pivane took it very hard. He refused to even speak of you.”
Lev is not surprised. Her brother-in-law is very old-school when it comes to dealing with the world outside of the rez. While her husband, Chal, seems to spend more time off the rez than on, Pivane is a hunter and models his life much more on ancestral ways.
“He never liked me much,” Lev says.
Elina reaches out to touch his hand. “You’re wrong about that. He wouldn’t speak of you because it hurt too much.” Then she hesitates, looking down at his hand clasped in hers rather than in his eyes. “And because, like me, he felt partially responsible for you becoming a clapper.”
Lev looks to her, thrown by the suggestion. “That’s just stupid.”
“Is it? If we had gone against the council. If we had insisted you stay—”
“—then it would have been horrible. For all of us. You would look at me and remember how Wil sacrificed himself to save me.”
“And to save Kele and all the other kids on that vision quest.” The doctor leans back in her chair. Still unable to look at him for any length of time, she looks across the arroyo and waves to a staring neighbor. The woman waves back, then self-consciously adjusts the potted plants on her terrace.
“Look at me, Elina,” Lev says, and waits until she does. “When I left here, I was on my way to a terrible place. A place where all I wanted to do was share my anger with the world. You didn’t make that anger. My parents did. The Juvies did. The lousy parts pirates who took Wil did. Not you!”
Lev closes his eyes, trying to ward off the memory of that one awful day. Like Pivane, Lev finds the pain of it too much to bear. He takes a deep breath, keeping the memory and all the emotions it holds at bay, then opens his eyes once more. “So I went to that terrible place inside . . . . I went to hell. But in the end I came back.”
Elina grins at him. “And now you’re here.”
Lev nods. “And now I’m here.” Although he has no idea where he’ll be tomorrow.
• • •
Lev comes out to the great room after the sun sets.
“You’re alive,” Connor says when he sees him. Connor is tense, but his stress level does look a little bit lower.
“Surprised?”
“Yeah, every time I see you.”
Connor wears a designer Arápache shirt with a coarse weave and a tailored fit, to replace the rank shirt he had taken from the deputy. It looks good on him, but it’s also an odd disconnect. Lev finds it hard to allow Connor and the rez to share the same space in his mind.
“Love the ponytail,” Connor says, pointing at his hair.
Lev shrugs. “It’s just because my hair is so tatted. But maybe I’ll keep it.”
“Don’t,” Connor tells him. “I lied. I hate it.”
That makes Lev laugh, which makes his side hurt, and he grimaces.
The greetings now begin to feel like a receiving line. Kele comes up to Lev, looking awkward. He was a head shorter than Lev when they last saw each other. Now he’s almost the same height.
“Hi, Lev. I’m glad you came back and that you didn’t come back dead.”
Kele will continue to grow, but Lev will not. Stunted growth. That’s what he gets for lacing his blood with explosive chemicals.
Pivane is there, cooking dinner. A stew of fresh meat—something he probably shot in the wild today. Pivane’s greeting, reserved at first, ends in a hug that hurts, but Lev doesn’t let on. Only Grace keeps her distance, ignoring Lev. Even after their desperate road trip here, she’s still not sure what to make of him. It isn’t until the middle of dinner that she finally speaks to him.
o;Please don’t call him that.”
“Sorry—but he’s gonna be okay, right?”
“It looks like it.”
