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Vanished.
Taking all of my warmth and safety and happiness with him.
I crumple to the floor and lie down on the bedding, sobbing into the blankets that smell of my perfume—and I’ve never felt so alone in my life. Somehow I fall asleep, lulled by Duncan’s scent mingled with mine. Or maybe my subconscious shows me mercy, because I no longer have him and that’s unacceptable to my heart. He’s a vital presence in my life. This giant I’ve fallen in love with, become consumed with, need terribly.
In my dreams, I hear his voice.
He soothes me after lovemaking, telling me I’m his angel. Kissing me where it hurts and telling me I was brave to take him so deep, that he loves me. That he’ll guard me his whole life.
I wake up sweating, still on the basement floor. In a panic.
How much time has passed since I fell asleep? There is no sunlight in the basement, so it is impossible to know. My anger has cooled—and immediately, my capsizing heart tells me everything is wrong. That I’ve made a tremendous mistake.
I lurch to my feet and stumble down the hallway, in the same fashion Duncan did when he left and it hurts to think about it. How aimless and devastated he was.
I told him he was the same as my uncle. That he was maneuvering and controlling me with lies, but I didn’t stop to see things from his point of view. This man…he can’t even go out in public without people running away or fearing him. Of course he needed time to trust that what we have is real. Of course he didn’t want to scare me off.
He’s lived in the darkness because that was his only option.
He’s killed. He’s hunted. A man traumatized from a young age from his own tragedy and the shocking loss of his parents. But he won’t have to do those things anymore. I love him. He can live within that love and walk down a new path. With me.
Out in the open. We both deserve that.
But, oh God, I’ve let my anger and tarnished pride take hold of me. I’ve lashed out and what if…what if I’ve lost him now?
I throw open the basement door and I’m jarred to a halt, finding the sky pitch black. I’ve been passed out for hours and now…now I have no way to find Duncan. I told him to leave. I ordered it. But I don’t have a phone number. Have no idea where he lives.
“Duncan?” I sob into the darkness.
Nothing but the sound of crickets greets my ears.
Duncan
I’m dying.
I never expected to feel a thing when my life ended.
There would just be a gradual dimming. Maybe even relief that I don’t have to continue the cycle of violence, the only thing I understand. Now that I’ve been in Thea’s presence, now that I’ve had a glimpse of heaven, I can’t go back to hell. I can’t walk this earth without the purpose of protecting and appeasing and caring for her.
She’s my angel.
I don’t want to go on without her. I won’t.
I can’t seem to walk straight and my chest cavity has been filled with knives. Every step hurts. But she told me to leave and I refuse to upset her further. She was right—I’ve ruined everything. Now I have to pay for my silence. I have to pay for being a motherfucker ugly enough to scare someone to death. This is my penance—the loss of Thea.
Death.
My heart is not…right. Not functioning properly.
It beats in a fast sequence, then stops for a while. I black out, unsure of where I am, my knees buried in the dirt somewhere on the gallery grounds. She told me to leave, though. I have to leave. I have to do what my angel asks of me. So I stagger once again to my feet and amble aimlessly toward the gate, my vision doubling, tripling. Acid rising in my stomach. Everything is shutting down inside of me. Nothing is working.
You lied to me, just like him.
Her words pierce my skin like daggers, making me bay brokenly into the fading light.
She’s right. Every word she said is right. I should have told her I was a killer. I should have told her what I’d done. My angel might have had enough grace to love me anyway, but I betrayed her trust. I don’t deserve that grace or love now.
Up ahead is the gate. I need to reach the other side of it.
My knees start to give out, but I suck down a gasping breath and soldier forward, my heartbeat becoming fainter. Fainter the farther I get from Thea.
At least I’m leaving her with the option for freedom.
That’s all I ever expected to give.
Never in a million years could I have expected she’d want me back.
