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A glance up proved that both men were shaking their heads and trying not to laugh. Raine was busy, thumbs tapping rapid-fire into her phone as it buzzed again and again.
“Maybe the better question, then, is what do you want from them?” Liam asked. “A few dates? Or more?”
This wasn’t the first time Heavenly had the feeling Liam saw through her. He asked really pointed questions, ones that made her search uncomfortably for answers. “I hadn’t thought of it that way. My time with them is an adventure. A fantasy. But the future? My life is so full. Every day it’s just…putting one foot in front of the other—studying and turning in papers, volunteering, delivering food for tips, taking care of sick people. There’s so much going on that I haven’t thought about tomorrow.”
“Then you must be feeling like you’ve been run over by a bloody great locomotive. But I’m telling you now, those two men are tied up in knots over you, girl. It’s not a game to them. You’re not a game.”
“Let me ask you some questions.” Raine tapped on her screen for the final time, then set her phone on the table. “Pranks aside, do you want to spend more time with Beck and Seth?”
Even if finding a few stolen hours to be with them was nearly impossible, she’d loved every moment with them. “Yes.”
“Do you have feelings for them that are more than friendship?”
She thought about them all the time, even when she should be focused on far more practical things. “Yes.”
“Do you see yourself falling in love with them?”
Heavenly squirmed under Raine’s surprisingly wise stare. “I don’t know. I’ve never been in love. How should I know? But I feel like maybe I’m halfway there. With both of them. And it’s so confusing.”
“Because you can’t pick between them? Do you want one more than the other?”
“No.” She swallowed. “I feel terrible about it. They want me to choose, and I’ve tried. But they both make me feel wonderful but different things. When I try to untangle my feelings, I just end up more lost. And miserable. And guilty. What’s wrong with me?”
“I have to sit up for this one.” Raine reached out to both Liam and Hammer, who helped her upright in the middle of the sofa.
“For a few minutes,” Liam said. “Remember what the doctor told you.”
“I’m timing you.” Hammer fixed his stare on his watch.
“Guess I’ll have to be quick,” Raine drawled. “Look, there’s nothing wrong with you, doll. I’ve been where you are. I know what it’s like to be convinced I’d be hurting the men I love less if I could just make a damn decision. I even tried. I committed myself to Liam…but that didn’t do anything to erase Hammer from my heart. At the time, I was confused and angry with myself and sure they hated me for it. Now, I think everything happened for a reason. No, not everyone in the world is suited to this sort of relationship. But I’m wondering if you three are. Maybe that’s why you can’t pick.”
“And once again, our wee lass proves she’s the smart one.” Liam grinned. “The way I see it, Heavenly, is you’ve got two choices and neither will be easy. If you can’t see yourself with just one of them, how about both?”
“They can’t stand each other.”
“They got along well enough before you. Did you know that?” Hammer asked, brow raised.
Really? She couldn’t picture that at all. “No.”
“It’s not impossible they’ll remember it…eventually.” Liam shrugged. “We did.”
Hammer nodded. “And if they don’t, we’ll be happy to smack their heads together for you.”
Would that even matter? She might be able to steal a few more hours with Beck and Seth today or tomorrow, maybe even the day after. But realistically, she was living moment-to-moment and hand-to-mouth while dreading the inevitable fall of the shoe that terrified her every day. Did she have the time or energy to commit to even one man, much less two? Gosh, she was already drowning in responsibility. The thought of taking on more almost had her breaking. She constantly made life-and-death decisions for her father, knowing if she got it wrong it might be fatal. Adding on more responsibility, like husbands or babies… She’d been thinking first love, not a future where her heart tied her down before she ever lived even one day for herself.
“I think…it’s not fair for me to be with either one.” And saying that out loud was like a blade to her chest.
“Hang on,” Hammer said. “I’m sure it feels that way because this is all new and overwhelming to you, but do you understand that you hold all the power? Tell those two boneheads to pull their heads out of their asses and get along. See where you three go from there.”
