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Heavenly closed her eyes. Was she really going to have sex with her landlord?
Wasn’t it a small price to pay to keep her father safe, warm, comfortable, and happy?
Yes.
But she’d be damned if she’d sacrifice her dignity and her virginity to that man. He would not be her first sexual partner. She had so little control over anything in her life, but by damned, she could control this. Beck and Seth had shown her it could be good. She didn’t want her first memory of intimacy to be so bad.
Gosh, she’d give anything to choose one—or both—of them to be her first. At the thought, she laughed out loud. Several people on the bus stared at her as if they worried she’d come unhinged. Obviously, she had. What a lovely, ridiculous fantasy.
What a waste of energy to ache for something that couldn’t possibly happen. She loved them too much to give them hope, only to walk away again.
So…she would have to think of someone not hideous to break her hymen. Someone she would be safe with. Someone who would be kind. Someone who would do his best to make it all right. Someone who didn’t care why she was having sex with him and wouldn’t ask too many questions. Her choices were limited.
Dr. Manning had given her a very wide berth since Beck had stepped in on her behalf, thank goodness. She barely knew anyone else at the hospital. She’d had a few friendly conversations with one of the new interns who was both gay and newly married. Sure, she could pick a random customer at Bazookas. At least one hit on her every shift. But she’d be a piece of ass to them. It would still feel cheap. If she was going to do something that meaningless, why not just sleep with Sanchez?
The only other people she knew in LA, she’d met through Raine. As soon as that realization streaked through her brain, the choice became obvious: River. He was still looking for a job. He had time on his hands. He liked women—a lot, from what she’d heard. He wouldn’t mind doing her a favor, right?
Gosh, she hoped not. She didn’t have many options, but she’d visit him tomorrow and find out.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Thursday, March 30 (again)
Seth stood on the back deck at Hammer, Liam, and Raine’s house, sipping beer. A few friends from Shadows lurked nearby, laughing. He didn’t feel like joining in. He glanced at his phone. Heavenly still wasn’t here. She would come to her own birthday party, right? She wouldn’t let Raine down simply to avoid him and Beck.
He hoped not.
Suddenly, the doctor strolled up beside him. “Anything new?”
Seth shook his head. “Nothing beyond what I’ve told you.”
His search hadn’t netted much information. He’d been able to uncover Heavenly’s birth certificate, some high school records, and previous addresses in Wisconsin. None of that told him jack shit. After narrowing his focus to the LA area, he’d found even less. It was like tracking a ghost. She had no California driver’s license, bank account, credit cards, not even a fucking address anywhere on record.
He’d know more about her if he could follow her bus in LA traffic, but that had proven to be a bitch. Sure, he knew the route, just not where Heavenly got off. If he knew the city better, he’d wait at different stops on different days. In New York, he’d have already discerned hers and gotten a feel for her neighborhood. LA didn’t work the same. Still, what kind of PI couldn’t follow one woman home?
“Any luck with Nurse Lewis?”
“No.” Beck sighed. “I’ve tried three times, this last time with chocolate and charm.”
Seth slanted a glance his way. “You’re not charming.”
“Obviously not, since she won’t let me see that file.”
“Damn it. Is Heavenly talking to you at all?”
“Nope. I’m still taking her lunch, but she’s not saying anything more than ‘thank you.’”
“I’m getting the polite routine, too.” He hesitated. “Is she eating?”
“I’m not sure,” Beck admitted. “I’m busying myself with post-op visits and office appointments after I take her tray. The last place I want to sit by myself is the cafeteria. But if I had to guess, not much.”
“She’s lost weight.” It was obvious. “There’s something more going on with her. I can tell. I can feel it. The last week or so, she’s been…”
“Pale. Withdrawn. Jumpy. I’ve noticed.”
“And sad.” Seth shook his head. “No, more than that. She’s growing more fucking despondent every day.”
Hell, she wasn’t even giving him a muted smile anymore. Just one unguarded moment, a stare that reminded him of their instant, jolting connection. Then she’d bow her head and look away. It fucking shredded his heart. How could she visually cling to him, then simply blink and disengage?
Beck nodded. “Exactly. I don’t know why. It’s not Kathryn. It’s not even the rest of the slut squad. After their ringleader got canned, I hear they’ve been on their best behavior.”
