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Because the only woman he wanted naked and at his mercy was thousands of miles away.
Right on cue, the dreaded movie in his head starring Heavenly played in its entirety again.
Clearly, settling back into his apartment, his routine, and his sex life hadn’t cured him.
What the fuck was he supposed to do now? He could pick up the phone. Hell, he could catch the next plane. But no matter how strong his feelings for Heavenly were, they didn’t change hers for Beck. He was going to have to give himself time. Suck it up and move forward.
After a seemingly endless stream of pointless days, January crept to a close. Seth avoided Graffiti and picked up a compulsive gym habit, morning and night. In between, he drowned in work, eschewing cheating spouse cases for pursuing bounties and criminals. Between the endorphin and adrenaline highs, he managed to get through each day and reach exhaustion every night.
But it didn’t take long before his cheap escape stopped working. His steady-paying business dropped off, and he couldn’t bring himself to give a shit. Instead, he began looking for some other way to fill the time and emptiness. Insomnia set in. Since he hated infomercials, he figured he had two choices: climb the walls or indulge in pointless fantasies about Heavenly.
A busy but hollow self-sex life won out.
A craptastic blizzard ushered February in. Finally, Seth’s yearning trumped his pride. He almost didn’t care that Liam would give him a ration of shit for dodging his calls since Christmas. He couldn’t stand not hearing about Heavenly anymore.
With a sigh, he dialed Liam and apologized for being “busy.” His old pal tormented him for twenty minutes with the happenings in the Hammerman/O’Neill/Kendall household, Raine’s pregnancy, and their first holiday in their new home. All the while, Seth burned with wanting news of his angel…
His old friend finally paused, letting the silence between them stretch uncomfortably. Then Liam sighed. “Go on, then. Ask me.”
Seth didn’t bother playing coy. “How is she? Tell me now or I’ll throat-punch you next time I see you.”
“You can try.” Liam gave a hearty laugh, then sobered. “Are you sure you want to know?”
“Christ, what do you want? I’ve been an idiot. A jerk. I was wrong. Just tell me.”
“Say you’re sorry,” Hammer taunted in the background.
“Fuck off,” he groused. “I need to know.”
He imagined a million reasons Liam was stalling, everything from yanking his chain for fun to Heavenly eloping with Beck.
“She’s fine. Better than fine, actually. I did warn you what would happen if you pissed off and left the gate open, didn’t I?”
Seth’s heart stopped. “Are she and Beck really together?”
“They’re dating.”
He gripped the phone tighter. The two-ton weight on his chest got heavier. “And?”
“She seems happy. So does Beck. You, my friend, might have been, too, if you’d stayed.”
So there was no hope at all. He wasn’t surprised. But it still hurt like a bitch.
“She gave me no reason to—”
“She gave you no reason to leave, either,” Liam insisted. “If you want to be a part of Heavenly’s life, you have to earn your place in her heart.”
Liam’s cutting observation hit a painful, perfect bull’s-eye. “You just told me she’s taken. I don’t poach.”
And I can’t make her want me.
His friend’s platitudes about not giving up went in one ear and out the other. Seth hung up minutes later, feeling more discouraged than ever.
Early February was full of frenetic, meaningless shit, except now he saw hearts, flowers, and lovers everywhere as Valentine’s Day approached. Seth tried not to lose his damn mind. Each monotonous day bled into a long, miserable night in which he’d fall into a fitful sleep, only to gasp awake with his fist clutched around his cock and Heavenly’s name on his lips.
After skipping out on Mass and family dinner the previous Sunday, Seth tried to shelve his surliness and visit his mom before heading to the office. He’d been avoiding her because he didn’t want her grilling…but maybe it was time for her sage advice.
As he entered the front door, he heard a feminine groan from the kitchen. Shit. Had she fallen? Burned herself? Or gotten hurt trying to move the damn refrigerator to clean behind it again?
Seth rushed through the family room, only to come to a violent halt when he caught sight of his mom in the breakfast nook bent over their family kitchen table with her flushed cheek pressed to the surface. He stood unmoving, unblinking, struggling to process the sight of her eyes closed and holding the hem of her skirt around her waist. Her panties lay bunched between her knees as a bear of a man Seth had never seen stood behind her, his big hands gripping her hips, plowed into her from behind. His mother’s moan filled the air again. The man threw back his head and groaned with her. Christ, he hadn’t even dropped his trousers, merely unzipped his fly, and—
