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He stood over her for a long time, wishing he could fully understand what the hell was going on with him. The best he could figure was that his father’s abuse coupled with his mother’s forced abandonment, had warped him, had essentially made him feel broken and unworthy.
He pressed a hand to his stomach. The viper had already started moving again. All he had to do was invoke his father’s memory and the serpent showed its fangs.
He shifted his focus to Rachel, the sex they’d shared, the blood, her patience with him.
Maybe Merl was right and he should seriously consider his relationship with Rachel in a new light. Was it possible the cessation of his visions had something to do with his inability to connect with her?
He thought about joining her in bed, but he wasn’t ready for that. Instead, he showered again, returned to his guest bedroom and fell hard asleep.
When he woke up at dusk, he realized he’d slept better than he had anytime during the past month. He definitely needed to do whatever he could to move in Rachel’s direction. He’d told her a few weeks ago he’d try and right n
ow he made a new commitment to do just that.
As he sat up, however, a powerful dizziness overcame him and he flopped back down. He stared up at the ceiling, but the room moved around and he had to close his eyes.
He wasn’t even sure he could get out of bed.
When lights started flashing over his eyelids, he knew he had to do something. At the very least, he needed to understand what was going on.
He opened his eyes once more, yet found it hard to breathe. He held his stomach; the viper was moving fast. But he couldn’t let the old ways win anymore. He had to try. He couldn’t let Rachel down again.
He forced himself to an upright position, supporting himself on one hand. The room still spun, but he had to get to Rachel.
Though the dizziness got worse, he struggled to his feet. He held onto the dresser and forced himself in the direction of the master bedroom. Fortunately, the more he moved, the better he felt. He crossed the living room and only had to pause once to keep his balance.
When he finally reached the master bedroom, he stopped inside the doorway and folded his sword into his right hand.
The dizziness increased to the point he thought he might fall. Had Yolanthe’s wreckers finally found him?
“Rachel,” he called to her in a strong voice.
She lifted her head and because she was lying on her stomach, she had to twist to meet his gaze. “Duncan, what’s wrong?” She then rolled onto her back and pushed herself quickly to a sitting position.
The sheet fell away, revealing her full breasts. The male part of him took a long look, but he couldn’t act on his ever-present desire for his woman. Instead, images began moving inside his head, one after the other in quick succession.
Then he understood. He was having his first vision in a month, though this one had come on stronger than anything he’d yet experienced.
But even as the images began to coalesce, he realized he didn’t want another vision, he didn’t want the gifts given to him. It was all too much, all at odds with his deepest beliefs of worthlessness. Then he understood how right Merl had been when he’d said Duncan had been holding back.
He just hadn’t seen it until this moment.
As he stood with sword in hand in the doorway of his master bedroom, with Rachel looking beautiful and vulnerable on his bed, he knew he had a decision to make.
From the time Yolanthe had held him in a trance and he’d broken free in order to keep Rachel safe, he’d been building to this moment. Having a vision descend on him a few hours after making love to Rachel proved Merl’s theory — Duncan’s powers were connected to his relationship with Rachel.
He shifted slightly to meet her gaze. His fucked up life had always been about his love for Rachel and his inability to allow her in.
“Are you okay? What’s going on?” She’d pulled the sheet up to cover herself. Her long, blond hair was in disarray and concern filled her blue eyes.
Could he go forward?
The viper lifted its head, fangs dripping with poison once more. And as doubt filled him, the approaching vision began to recede.
He made a quick grab for it, unwilling to let it disappear entirely, but his hold felt tenuous.
The snake within his gut moved swiftly now.
Rachel called out, “Duncan, you’re scaring me.”
