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A pained frown rode between his brows. “I never wanted to hurt you, Rachel. Never.”
“But there were two of us in this relationship, Duncan. I’ve just started to recognize how every time you withdrew, I’d pull back as well. I’m trying hard not to react to you the way I used to.”
He ran a hand down her back. “And I hate that your husband hurt you.”
“Me, too. But it was the same tone your father set for his squad. I hope the Creator has the same baptismal pools Beatrice has on Fourth Earth. Carlyon should have to suffer in them because I’m told the perpetrator, once immersed in the pools, feels all the pain he’s caused during his lifetime. Or hers, given the gender.”
“You know, that would be a fitting punishment.” He shifted his gaze away from her and an odd light came into his eye as he said quietly, “You know, I never knew what happened to my mother.”
The shift to a parent he rarely mentioned, surprised Rachel. “What do you mean?”
“After my mother left, I never made an effort to find her, to learn her side of things.”
“Why not? By the time you were an adult, you must have known she wouldn’t have left unless she’d believed it necessary for her own safety, possibly even for yours.”
“It’s funny you would say that, because she said almost the same words to me when she left Carlyon’s house. But you have to understand, my father filled me with his own propaganda, telling me she never wanted me. Despite knowing he’d lied, I still have so much rage when I think about her. She abandoned a child. How can that ever be forgivable?”
Rachel searched his eyes. “What exactly did she say when she left?”
“She said she was leaving so I’d survive.”
Rachel wasn’t sure how to say what she felt needed to be explained, but she tried anyway. “When a man has taken to hitting a woman, threatening her life day in and day out, he also uses any psychological tool at his disposal to strengthen his power over her. You and your safety, even your life, would have been a favorite pawn in his constant game of control and abuse of your mother.”
The pain in his eyes deepened. He’d never talked so openly before and she could tell the wounds still hurt. “I know you’re right,” he said. “But he’d fed me on the poison of how weak she was, how cowardly, that I’d come to believe him. It’s hard now to think otherwise.”
“Duncan, her story is probably a very different one. You should find her if you can and really listen to her side of the tale.”
“I’ve never wanted to.” He glanced around suddenly as though the environs surprised him. “Well, how the hell did we get on this subject?”
Rachel knew not to push, so she said, “Why don’t you show me your ‘cabin’?” She did air quotes.
He smiled as he slid his arm around her waist and led her up the steps.
The downstairs was a huge vaulted space, leading to a typical ‘A’ shape for snowy climates. A massive stone fireplace graced the west wall and opposite at the far end was a large kitchen with an island.
Rachel felt dizzy suddenly and without warning wavy lines moved in front of her eyes, then an image appeared in the kitchen. She blinked several times because sitting on a stool at the island was a dark-haired little girl. Duncan was pulling a box out of the cupboard smiling at the child over his shoulder. “You want snails and bugs for breakfast, right?”
“Pancakes, Dad. I want pancakes.”
His eyes twinkled as he set the mix on the counter in front of a large clear bowl. “Pancakes. Right. My mistake.”
The girl giggled.
The wavy lines dissipated as quickly as they’d come. She knew she’d just looked into the future, that she’d had a vision of Duncan and his child.
The dizziness remained, however, and the next moment, her world turned black.
“Rachel. Rachel.”
She heard Duncan’s voice from far away. Her eyes fluttered open and it took her a moment to realize he was holding her in his arms. She was still very dizzy.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
She took deep breaths. “I saw something. At least I think I did.” Or maybe she’d only seen what she wanted to see. Duncan had a little girl and she was her mother. Somehow, they’d become a family.
But the images, whether prophetic or not, struck a chord deep within her. She’d never thought she’d have children. Her marriage had proved fruitless, something she’d thanked God for repeatedly, and so had her on-again, off-again relationship with Duncan. They’d never used protection and she’d simply come to believe she was barren.
But was it possible she would one day have a child with Duncan?
