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She wondered suddenly if one of the reasons she loved him, even craved him, was because she wanted to be like him. Maybe she did. She admired him so much.
When she was done showering, she grabbed a towel from the rack. Nearby was the hamper and on top of it were her clothes folded in a neat pile, ready for her.
Her heart started to ache all over again. This was what she loved about Devyn, something she could never have taught Kyle in a gazillion years. Devyn was just plain thoughtful.
Her throat grew very tight. She knew Devyn was weighed down with his guilt over Kyle’s death. She also doubted he’d ever be able to overcome those feelings. He was a twin and he’d loved his reckless, fun-loving brother.
When she was dressed, she found Devyn sipping a glass of Scotch at the large, gray granite island in the kitchen. The entire great room felt like him, open and spacious, with black leather yet a lot of warm brown wood to soften the clean, modern feel. It wasn’t a bachelor’s pad. A grown-up man lived here.
He seemed settled within his spirit. “I’ll take you home when you’re ready.”
“I can get there by myself.”
“I want to. It wouldn’t seem right somehow.”
Not even when he was breaking her heart? “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure. Maybe.” He shook his head and chuckled, then sipped his Scotch. “Well, you can ask. That’s all I can promise.”
“Seems fair because you know this won’t be a simple question.”
He met her gaze over the rim of his tumbler. His brown eyes glimmered from the island pendant lights. Was she really going to ask him this?
Sometimes courage came in many forms and right now she felt a bit lacking. When she hesitated, a voice whispered to her. Kyle again. Push him, Em. He needs it.
She gasped softly.
“What is it?” Devyn asked. “What’s wrong?”
She moved closer to him. “I know this is going to seem really strange, but for a moment, I thought I heard Kyle. That probably seems ridiculous.” She didn’t mention she’d experienced something similar in Millerell.
His brows rose then he shook his head. “I sometimes imagine hearing him, too. Usually, he’s yelling at me.”
“About what?” She couldn’t help but smile.
“That I need to make a life for myself, that I’m an idiot, that I shouldn’t live in the past.”
It was time to ask her question. “What happened that night, the night Kyle died? I need to know. In fact, I believe I have a right to know.”
He met her gaze straight on. “You’ve read the report. Five Invictus pairs. In that sense, you know as much as I do.”
“And you know that’s not what I meant. I know the battle details but what I don’t know is why you weren’t with him that night. You always fought side-by-side as Guardsmen. What happened?”
His nostrils flared. “I wasn’t there for him, okay? I got him killed. That’s what you want to know, isn’t it?”
She ignored his raised voice. “Not exactly. Why weren’t you there? That’s the hard question, the thing I believe I really need to know so I can understand the whole picture.”
He rocked his glass. “The whole picture. And that’s what you want?”
“I believe I deserve to know. I was engaged to him, you weren’t there, you feel responsible for his death and therefore you believe yourself unworthy of being my mate. Devyn, what happened between you and Kyle that night?”
He stared into his drink. His jaw shifted from side to side. “I don’t think I’ve ever been as angry with him as I was that night. I couldn’t be around him. I was afraid I’d start hitting him and never stop.”
This was the answer she’d been hunting for. Yet, now that he’d begun, she wasn’t sure she wanted to hear the rest.
Once more, she plucked up her courage. “Please tell me what happened.”
He sipped again. She didn’t press him further. All she could do was wait. Whatever chance she had of setting things right and having a shot at a future with Devyn hinged on this moment. Maybe if he talked about what happened, he’d be able to move on.
