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Frederick stepped aside and let her by. "Let's go into the library, Eugenia," he said thickly. "I have a warm fire going in there."
Sweeping her skirt up into her arms, Eugenia walked the familiar steps to the library, and when she entered it warmed her heart remembering the many days she had sat by the fire, lost in reading the many books, not having a care in the world. And he had sat, so often, just watching her until he had snuffed the white powder into his nose—then their worlds had separated. Right then and there.
She had to wonder if he still practiced such habits. Or if he still had his opium den. But surely he would. Now more than ever. For he was more alone.
"Should I order tea?" Frederick asked, guiding Eugenia by the elbow to a chair.
"No. I don't care for any," Eugenia said, but wondering what servants were still there. There had been so few, but they had been faithful, she was sure, and were still there.
Frederick slouched heavily into a chair opposite Eugenia and leaned forward, leaning on his cane with both hands grasped atop it.
"And why are you here, Eugenia? Or should I call you Madam Eugenia now when we talk?"
Eugenia laughed softly as her cape fell from her shoulders. "You must never again call me Madam Eugenia," she said, her eyes twinkling. "Please only call me Eugenia. As you always have."
Frederick smiled widely, making his fat jowls bounce. He leaned back into the chair, relaxed. "I have a feeling you do have much you want to say to me, Eugenia," he said, wiping his brow with a folded handkerchief.
Eugenia relaxed back against her own chair and proceeded to tell all about Clarissa, what Clarissa had said, had admitted to her, and then in the end what Eugenia had done with Clarissa. Her eyes widened as Frederick flew into a fit of laughter, almost vibrating the room around them.
"Clarissa? Working with the colored girls?" he said, sucking in his breath noisily, then letting out another loud bout of laughter. "You don't know what you've done, Eugenia."
"Yes. I believe I do," Eugenia said smoothly. "Yes, I believe I do."
"I've got to hand it to you, my dear," Frederick said, wiping his lips and his brow once again. "You've got more gumption than I would have ever given you credit for. And I'm glad you did this with Clarissa. It serves her right for destroying what you and I had."
"She destroyed it only for a short while, Frederick," Eugenia said softly.
"Do you mean… ?"
"No, I don't mean that I'll live here with you. I just can't. Not in this house," she answered quickly, needing to make her decision known right away. "But I can visit with you. Each day if you wish. We can listen to your operas and even read quietly by the fire. Whatever you desire. You won't have to be alone any longer." Eugenia's eyes widened as she saw tears brimming in his eyes.
"Mein Fräulein Eugenia," he said, wiping the tears away with his handkerchief. "I knew that I had figured you right the day I met you. I knew you wouldn't be anything like the other girls that I had tried to calm down, to make something of. You were different from the start. I knew that you had class. But why must you stay as a madam at that place?"
Eugenia swallowed hard, finding it hard to speak her name, but she had to learn to do it. "I promised Dawn I would take care of the girls at the house," she whispered. "I keep my promises. And I feel important there. Can't you understand?"
"But you could be important here, Eugenia," he said, beginning to tap his cane in front of him. "I could even make you my wife, to make you feel even more important. You could be the mistress of this huge house," he added, swinging his cane in the air, gesturing with it.
Eugenia gasped. "Do you mean you're asking me to marry you?"
"Yes. You would be the mistress of mein haus. Ja?"
Eugenia rose and went to the fire, facing it instead of Frederick. She hadn't expected this. A friendship? But not a proposal of marriage. God, what was she to do? She only wanted friendship. Yet, this house? All that was in it? Could she really turn it down? There was the other house, how the girls had grown to depend on her, and her promise to Dawn.
She swung around and faced Frederick. She could see the silent pleading, hope, in his eyes. She hated to disappoint him again, so soon, but yet she had no other choice.
> "I just can't, Frederick," she mumbled, going back to sit across from him. "You and I are different in our ways. I can't see myself as your wife. Your daughter maybe. But not your wife. Don't you understand? It just wouldn't work."
Frederick rose and went to a shelf and pulled a book from it, pretending to be more interested in its contents than who was sitting in the room with him. But Eugenia knew that it was a ploy to distract her attention from the hurt that she had just now inflicted.
He thrust the book back in place and walked back toward Eugenia, stopping behind her chair. He placed his fingers on her shoulder and squeezed softly.
"Ja. I understand, my dear," he said. "I'm ready to accept you in any way you are ready to present yourself to me. I have grown to love you. Maybe I have had my feelings confused. Maybe it is only love for a daughter. It's been so long for me. I've forgotten what true love is."
Eugenia jumped up from her chair and for the first time ever swung her arms around his thick chest and hugged him.
"I do love you, Frederick," she murmured. "But in only ways of friends, not lovers. I hope you do understand. I want to be a part of your life. But only in that way."
Frederick hugged her also, patting her fondly on her back. "Ja. I do understand. Our friendship will be special. You'll see."
