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“Water under the bridge.” She laughs, but there’s no humor in the sound. “I made mistakes too. We were young.”
“Would you change anything if you could?” I ask her the question that I’ve asked myself a hundred million times.
“Maybe? Maybe not. If I did, I might not have Joshua, and he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me in life.”
God, why does that feel like a physical punch to the gut?
“Bye, Luna.”
“Goodbye, Gavin,” she murmurs as I close the door behind me. I walk away thinking that felt more final than our goodbyes thirteen years ago. Suddenly, I need a drink. I’m starting to see why Dern uses a bottle to get him through the evening…
Luna
“You look nice tonight.”
I’m way too old to blush, but I have to fight it down as Ben grins down at me. He’s leaning against my doorframe, wearing black jeans and a royal blue color t-shirt that is stretched over his arms in a way that makes my insides feel all kinds of melty. His tattoos gleam in the glow of my porchlight.
“I was just thinking the same about you,” I tell him, as he moves into me, his hands sliding to my hips and his face so close that his nose brushes against my bangs. I love that Ben is taller. I’m five-nine and I love wearing heels. Very seldom am I around a male that can make me feel small. Ben is the first one since…
Gavin.
“Damn, what’s that look for?” Ben asks, pulling me from my thoughts.
“Huh?”
“You got an expression on your face that was straight up sadness, Luna. It’s not the kind of look a man wants to see when he’s showing up at his girl’s door for dinner.”
“It’s just been a rough day,” I tell him—which isn’t exactly a lie. I step even closer, linking my hands together behind his neck, and pull his lips down to mine. Maybe it’s to distract him, but maybe it’s to distract both of us. I let my eyes close and just enjoy Ben’s kiss.
“That’s my girl,” he murmurs against my lips when the kiss ends and that makes me smile. It’s been a long time, but Ben is the first man I’ve met who I would like to belong to. It’s early days, but there’s definite chemistry and I trust him, which is something I didn’t think was possible.
“I hope you’re hungry. I made my lobster mac and cheese.”
“I’m starved.” The glint in his eye tells me he’s not talking about food. Nervous excitement runs through me. We haven’t specifically said it, but we both know what we’ve planned tonight. I’m rarely alone and Joshua begged me to let him stay with his best friend tonight instead of coming home after the movies—which means the house is empty. I texted Ben about that and I was completely positive in my mind that tonight was the night we’d take our relationship further.
I was completely sure.
Now, my mind is a mess of nerves and questions. I’d like to think it’s just normal jitters, but the truth is, seeing Gavin this afternoon has my head all messed up. It’s silly. It’s not like I’ve been waiting for him all these years.
I haven’t.
Gavin won’t be the… Ben! Ben won’t be the first man I’ve been with since Gavin destroyed me. He is just the first man that I could see staying in my life, becoming a stepfather to Joshua. Gavin doesn’t factor into any of it and really, it’s not like the two of us are rekindling anything. Our past is nothing but ashes that have been burned until the ground and everything around it has been scorched black. You can’t go back from the decisions we made. Mine tore him apart and his devastated me.
That’s about as final as you can get.
This is just nerves, and Gavin reminding me of what can happen if you take things too far with the wrong man.
That’s all.
“You spaced out again, Luna.”
“I’m sorry. I have a lot on my mind. I’ll be better I promise,” I respond, leading him inside. Ben closes the door and locks it. I jump slightly, wondering why the sound of the lock turning is louder than normal. I give myself a mental slap and walk into the kitchen, Ben following behind me.
“Okay, you’re going to have to tell me about your day.”
“Why is that?” I laugh.
“Because I need to know what’s happened so I know how to make it all better.”
“You think you can do that?” I ask him, still grinning with my back turned to him as I face the stove and stir the food.
Ben steps close, his chin brushing across my shoulder, his lips burying against the pulse point in my neck as his arms wrap around me from behind.
“I’ll try my best,” he says, his voice sending shivers through my body.
