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“You’re saying that you weren’t aware of Josh and that you didn’t completely cut him out of your life?” she asks, her voice quiet, but filled with pain.
“That’s exactly what I’m saying, damn it.”
“Then, how do you explain this, Gavin? And don’t tell me that’s Atticus’s signature. We dated for a lot of years. I know your handwriting.”
While she’s talking, she reaches into my hand and pulls out one of the papers that I haven’t looked at. The one that destroys me.
It’s a legal document and just looking at it, seeing the stamp from the court is enough to annihilate me.
Termination of Parental Rights.
That alone isn’t what kills me though. It’s the signature at the bottom.
It’s not Atticus’s signature. She’s completely right.
It’s mine.
My signature on a paper that I swear I’ve never seen in my fucking life.
No wonder she hates me. No wonder my son hates me. He should.
How in the fuck did this even happen?
Luna
“You didn’t have to come over tonight, Ben,” I tell him, but at the same time I’m snuggling down into his body and holding him tight. We’re lying on the couch. Joshua is subdued and upstairs in his room. I know he’s upset, but right now he doesn’t want to talk about it. I know my son. It’s all going to boil over soon and when it does, he will explode on me. I just have to wait for that to happen.
“Luna, someone threatened you. In the time we’ve known each other, you’ve never missed a day of work. Today was the first time that has happened and then you told me you had another run in with Lodge. There’s no way I wouldn’t be here tonight.”
“Ben, I’m not ready to… my head is messed up right now. I don’t think it would be good for us… I mean Josh is in the house and he’s upset and—”
“Luna, stop worrying,” he says, putting his finger under my chin and arching my head back so I’m looking at him. “When we started whatever this was between us, you told me straight out you weren’t ready for a relationship and needed to go slow. Have I ever rushed you?”
“No,” I mumble, rolling my lips back and forth because they suddenly feel very dry.
“A man, Luna—a good one—doesn’t leave when a woman needs him the most. He stays. What we have started has promise. I want it to go farther and you need someone to stand beside you right now. You’re strong, you could stand alone, but I don’t want you to. I want to be with you.”
I lower my gaze, studying Ben’s chest, his finger, pushing under my chin lightly as I resist his touch and think over his words. My first instinct is to tell him I pushed Gavin away, because I was afraid of what my father would do to him and what it would ultimately cost him.
Will there ever be a time when I don’t feel like I should defend Gavin?
“What if he truly didn’t know about Josh, Ben? How would that even be possible?” I ask him, already giving him a brief rundown of my conversation with Gavin earlier.
“I don’t know, Luna. I truly don’t, but you’ll cross that bridge when you come to it. He didn’t deny that was his signature, did he?”
“No, there was no way he could really. He just left, didn’t even say a word but he looked… shell-shocked.”
“Who knows, Luna. Maybe he stupidly thought you wouldn’t have all the paperwork to confront him with. After all, he never dealt with you directly, only Atticus and your father’s lawyers.”
“Yeah, maybe,” I respond, still unable to get the look on Gavin’s face out of my head.
“Hey.”
I look up at Ben again, forcing a smile on my face. I need to get Gavin out of my head. Ben is my future. He’s a good man and he deserves better than what I’m giving him at the moment.
“Let’s put this shit out of our heads tonight. I got my best girl snuggled up to me on the couch. There are no rocks crashing through the windows and your son is upstairs safe. Let’s just breathe tonight and enjoy being with each other.”
“I’d like that.”
“Good,” he says with a grin, giving me a squeeze. I stretch to meet him as he leans down to kiss me.
“I really do care about you, Ben,” I tell him, feeling like he needs to know that.
“I know, Luna. It’s why I’m here and I don’t plan on going anywhere unless you tell me you want me gone.”
“I’d never say that.”
“Then we have no worries,” he says, staring at me. I feel like he’s searching for something and part of me is terrified he won’t find it.
“No worries,” I tell him, wondering why I’m more worried now than I was before…
