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Now my legs are burning. I ache and I’m exhausted, but my son and I definitely needed the bonding time. He didn’t talk about Gavin, and I didn’t push it. I’ll let Joshua talk to me when he’s ready.
Ben has been calling all day. I finally texted him I was out with my son and would call him later. I did briefly, but it was a stilted conversation. Maybe I’m being silly, but no woman wants to be referred to as a responsibility. It has me reevaluating my relationship with him.
Then, there’s Gavin.
His number popped up on my phone a couple times. I finally shut the damn thing off. Between him and Ben, I was looking at my phone more than talking to Joshua. I honestly don’t know what to do about him. If he truly didn’t know about Joshua….
Hell, I don’t know what that will mean.
I make my rounds through the house, making sure all the doors and windows are locked. Ever since the rock incident, I’ve been super careful. Once I’m satisfied everything is secure and I make sure the new security system I had installed is armed I head upstairs. I stop by Joshua’s room, hopscotching my way around the mess on his floor. My boy has some major cleaning to do tomorrow. I brush my fingers gently through his dark hair. My heart squeezing just like it always does at the sight of him. He’s always been beautiful, from the first moment he was born. When those dark eyes and that adorable smile looked at me—I was lost. As he’s grown older, that hasn’t changed, but I see so much of his father in him at times and he’s so stubborn. He reminds me of Gavin, holding everything in and leaving you to guess what is going on in that mind of his. Then, there are times when he wades in trying to do things for me, protect me…
Those are the times that break my heart. One, because he feels like it’s his place as man of the house, but mostly because that’s when he reminds me of his father, the Gavin I used to love. I’ve made some really stupid decisions in my life. I can’t afford to be stupid anymore. I need to take care of Joshua. I need to protect him.
I just wish I knew the best way to do that.
I go through my nightly routine, pulling my mass of hair up on my head so I don’t have to fight it tomorrow. Then, I crawl in bed. Normally I turn the television on, just to have the noise, but tonight, I welcome the quiet.
At least until my phone rings.
“Hello?” I murmur, grabbing it before it might wake up Joshua. I expect it to be Ben, so I’m not prepared when I hear Gavin’s voice.
“Hey.”
His voice sounds rusty as if he’s uncomfortable. That’s a tone you seldom hear from Gavin, especially since he’s been back in town.
“Hi,” I reply unsure of what to say. As it is, I have to force that one syllable out.
“I… uh… I stopped by your house today.”
“I took Josh hiking.”
“Hiking?”
“Yeah, it’s one of his favorite things to do. We both needed some down time today.”
“I don’t like the idea of you in the woods alone right now, Luna.”
“I had a gun with me. I’m not helpless, Gavin. I’ve managed to take care of myself and Josh for a lot of years.”
“I’m sorry about that.”
“About what?” I ask, not understanding what he means.
“That you were forced to take care of Josh on your own. If I had known… Shit, Luna, I swear I would have been there. Hell, I never would have left.”
“You had dreams that didn’t include Stone Lake, I understood that. How many times did you panic at the thought of me getting pregnant?”
“Is that why you didn’t tell me about the baby before I left town?”
“Maybe I didn’t know,” I hedge lamely. We both know I did.
“Luna,” he says softly, and that one word says it all really.
“I needed you to stay for me, Gavin, not because I forced you into it. I never meant to keep Joshua from you. I thought, once my father’s anger died down and it was safe….”
“But that day never came.”
“I panicked when I thought I was losing the baby. I wanted you with me.”
“I never knew, Luna.”
“I don’t know how that’s possible.”
“The same way I gave away my rights and didn’t even know it.”
“You’re going to have to explain that to me, Gavin, because I’m not sure I will be able to understand that one at all.”
“I’d like to explain, if you’ll give me the chance.”
“No one is stopping you now.”
“Have dinner with me tomorrow night, let me try to explain.”
“Gavin…”
This huge part of me wants to say yes right away, but I’m not sure I’d be saying yes for the right reasons. Then, I think about Ben, how is that fair to him? I’m not sure I’m being fair to him at all. I have all of these feelings and emotions from Gavin being here, and I don’t know what to do with them. Maybe meeting him and finally putting closure on the past will help.
